3 Months (Ross Lynch)

18. An Actual Girlfriend

Baylee

Watching his face drop, a look of hurt shadowing his face made my insides numb. Now realizing that what I said, wasn't all that I meant to.

"No, no, no, no. No." I stuttered, waving my hands around. Catching him by surprise. "That's not what I meant. Yes, I want to be your girlfriend, but I uh, I can't."

This confession seemed to have confused Ross even more. I mentally face-palmed. Stupid Baylee. Why can't you say anything right?

"What?" His voice was barely a whisper. Clearing his throat he continued. "What are you saying? One minute you say you want to be my girlfriend and then the next you don't?" he rubbed his eyes furiously. "Please just tell me what it is that you mean because love, you're confusing the hell out of me."

You're not the only one confused, my blond haired friend.

I sighed, picking my oxygen tank back up after knocking it over yet again. "I want to be your girlfriend. I truly do, but I can't, Ross. It's just not fair to you if I say yes."

"What do you mean it's not fair?" He questioned, looking even more confused. If we weren't in the circumstance that we were, I would have laughed at how adorable he was.

But this was a serious matter. No time for laughing.

It was kind of sad how I had to remind myself of this.

"It's not fair because of who I am Ross." I blurted. "It's not fair because you'll get to live, and grow old, and- that's not something I'll get to do."

His face hardened. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because it's the truth!" I said, trying to stay strong. I've had this conversation millions of times, but not like this. "And the truth hurts sometimes, Ross."

I was so going to regret this fight tomorrow.

"Baylee, why won't you fight for your life? I honestly don't understand why you're giving up so easily."

"Because everyone dies, there's no point in fighting it."

His face seemed to have hardened even more. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. Hell, I didn't know he could be this angry.

"Fine. Is that what you want me to say? Fine, that you're dying. But guess what, it's not fine that you're dying and not doing anything to stop it. So what that you have cancer? Many people do, but they fight it with all they've got. If they lose they know they died trying. Baylee, I don't want to fight with you. But here I am, a guy who generally cares about you, that you're pushing away. Just because it's not fair, well guess what Baylee, I'm going to die someday too. Hell, I could tomorrow. But I'm not worrying about it every minute of my life. Why can't you just live in the moment? Stop thinking about the future, because the longer you look, the sooner it'll catch up. You'll miss more of your life then, than you ever will once you're gone."

Without letting me to get a say in, he turned gracefully on his heel, heading for the gate.

"Ross." I called, weakly might I add.

He ignored me, slamming the gate door as he exited. He ignored all my texts and phone calls that night.

+++

The next morning, I was lounging in my bed. Too depressed to actually move.

If only he understood why I can't be with him. Why doesn't he understand? Why does is hurt so much?

A knock was admitted at my door. My father appeared seconds later. Jake had gotten a cold so he stayed home today.

"You missed something," he held out his fist as he walked towards, laying my medication on my bedside table. Taking a seat by my legs, he continued: "mind telling me why you haven't moved from bed? It is already half past twelve."