To Place Upon His Brow

Part 10: Skywalker Secrets

Ben was still in Rey’s room, leaned against the wall. He couldn't feel her through the connection, all he felt was emptiness. The door to Rey’s room was left open from where she ran away from him, leaving him alone. He should have followed her, he should have chased her down and kissed her senseless. But he didn't. He was the one that hurt her this time. He promised he'd never let anyone hurt her, and he broke that promise. Ben wrapped his hands around his ribs and dug his nails in, relishing the pain, using the pain, wanting it. It's what he deserved. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, digging deeper still with his nails, until he felt trickles of blood. He deserved the pain for what he did to Rey. He hurt her.

And then his hands were being yanked away from him, his eyes snapping open.
Poe was holding his arms away from his body.

“What the fuck is wrong with you man? You're making yourself bleed. What did you do to Rey?” Poe asked.

Ben just shut his eyes again.

“Seriously, Ben. What happened? Rey’s been missing for hours now.”

Have I really been sitting here for hours?

Ben opened his eyes again.

“She doesn't love me anymore. I don't deserve her,” Ben whispered.

Poe whistled, and sank down beside Ben.

“Look, man, this is how I see it. Whatever is going on between you and Rey is only temporary. Y'all have this weird thing about you. You move, she moves, she moves, you move. It's like there's a gravitational force keeping you guys together. And the way she looks at you, like you've never done a wrong thing in your life, that's got to mean something, since she's personally seen how bad you are,” Poe told Ben, trying to raise his spirits.

“You should have seen her look at me this morning, then. Like I was a monster, a creature from a nightmare,” whispered Ben.

Poe elbowed him, hard. “Ah, come on man, clean yourself up. Put on some clothes, we've got to find your girlfriend.”

The word girlfriend struck a cord in Ben. No, she was much more than that to him. She was everything.
.
.
.
.
.
Rey started when she heard footsteps coming from the jungle behind her, and relaxed when she identified the Force signature. Leia sat right beside Rey, and crossed her legs the same way. None of them spoke a word for many minutes.
When Leia finally spoke, Rey’s heart wrenched inside her chest.

“I know that it was our doing that turned Ben into Kylo Ren. His father and I had always said there was too much Vader in him. We were afraid of his power, of what he might become. Han yelled at him a lot, to try to get him to control his emotions, but what good would an angry father be, telling his son not to be angry. Han had a short temper with Ben, especially when Ben used the force and hurt someone. None of us ever expected that Ben would break Chewy’s arm, even if he didn't mean to. That's when Han started going away more. He was always out doing something with that damn Wookie, off on some far away planet, and he left me alone with Ben. I was scared at times, when I was with him. I had a lot of things to do, so Ben was alone most of the time. I had called Luke a lot, and he would watch him for me. I think those were Ben’s favorite days as a child, being able to use the Force with someone else who understood it. Soon enough, Ben got destructive, and dangerous, so Han and I sent him to live with Luke, to be with other Force users, like him. We thought we were doing the right thing. We visited, twice, but he never wanted to see us, so we stopped going. Luke would give us updates, and some days we thought progress might actually be made, and then we'd get reports that Ben had hurt someone, or collapsed a building in his anger. When we got the call one day that Ben had found a friend, we didn't know how important she would be to him. We got weekly updates, and Ben was improving so much. He was so much happier with this little girl, and Han and I had no idea why. We worried sometimes, since he was so old, and she was so young, but Luke convinced us that it was completely innocent. Ben took care of the small child, and the child relied on him heavily. We were so excited, until we got the call from Rednolan Ewess’ parents. Ben had attacked him, defending a small girl, and had burned Red quite badly. That's when we called Luke, and told him he had to take the child from Ben. As good as she was for him, she was also bad. Ben would do anything for her, even kill. But that night, our worst dreams come true. We had created a monster. Ben slaughtered the other children at the academy, and Luke made us to believe that he had killed the girl too.. Rey, I know that that girl is you. Luke told me, after you ran away. I was so angry. Angry with myself, with Han, with Luke. And you should be too, but don't be angry with Ben. He's been through so much, he was left alone in the dark too many times. It would kill him of you left him too, after so many years of being apart, you're finally reunited, and then ripped away from him again. The entire galaxy will suffer the wrath of Ben Solo. I know you don't remember much, just what Ben showed you, but you have to know it's not his fault,” and with that Leia stood up, and squeezed Rey’s shoulder before walking back the way she came.