It was me, not you

Chapter 2

I walk up and walk out into the kitchen. Mama kisses me on the head and feels my belly.

"How are you feeling?" she says and makes toast. 

"Good. A bit nauseous but ok"  I answer.

"Ok. Have some breakfast. I get the groceries and I want you to feed and take the horses out to the back paddock. Also can you clean out the attic."

"Sure. But why are we cleaning out the attic?" I ask. She takes one last sip of her coffee and looks at me.

"Stefan's gonna live with us for a bit. I told him he can only stay if your ok with it." I nods my head and take a bite of my toast. I nod my head again as I shove the toast into my face. "Love you." she says and kisses my head. I eat the rest of my toast and get dressed. I put on a white singlet and a lose fitting white button up top with a pocket, blue jeans and my brown and blue cowgirl boots. I walk out to grab the horses. A old truck come in. I keep walking and every step I took the car followed. I finally get to the barn and the car stops. Stefan gets out of the car and walks towards me. I roll my eyes and walk into the barn. I grab a saddle and walk to the area where the saddles sit. Stefan runs in and grabs it off me and puts it on my horse.

"Thanks" I say and pull a piece of hair away from my face. 

"We need to talk" he says. I look at him. "You were right. I do run away from my problems." I  grab some more tack and place it on the horse. I but the bridal on and take some of the horse out. "I want to be with you" he says and gets down on one knee. I look at him and try to think on why he's doing what he's doing.

"Get up" I say and look down on him.

"I love you Jordan. I'm sorry I run away but that never changed the way I felt about you." I look down at the ring and close the box and shove it back into his hand. I look down and grab the horse.  "So?" he questions.

"I barely know you any more". He grabs some horses and head out with me.

I drop the horses off and walk back to the barn. "I know" he says. I turn around and look at him then look back and go up to the attic and change the sheets. As I change the sheets I see a photo frame. I sit down on the bed and see a photo of him and me together. He comes up and sits next to me. "I still love you" he says. I turn away from the photo and look at him. I finally look into his brown eyes I've been trying to avoid. Somehow whenever I looked in his eyes I felt at home or safe. Like all was forgiven but it wasn't.

"I waited four years for you to come back. No letter or phone call. I think I sort of deserved something instead or some stupid letter before you left. It took me ages to get over you."

"But you still love me right?" he questions. I nod my head slowly. 

"Let's just try to be friends right now. Like I need you to drive me into town" I say he nods his head. I walk inside and get changed. I put on a new white top with slightly  puffed sleeves and lace down the bottom, black jeans and black and white canvas converse. I didn't want to tell Stefan were I was going because I knew he would try and stop me. Even though I had gone there before. 

---

I walk in and see people everywhere. "What are we doing at an mental hospital?" he asks.

"We're seeing my dad" I say and sign in. We sit down.

"What do you mean your dad?" he asks looking at me.

"I found my dad a year ago so every week I visit him. And don't you dare tell me that its wrong."

"I wasn't going to. It's brave. I don't think I would have the guts to do that. Does he know your pregnant?" he asks. I shake my head.

"That's why I wanted to come here today. He deserves to know the truth" I say and stand up as the lady calls us in. I was excited to see my dad. It had been awhile but even though I had been going for a year I could never shake the butterflies from my stomach.

"Hey my princess. How are you?" he says smiling and giving me a hug. I smile back and walk into his warm embrace.

"Good, You?" I ask. he nods his head. "Oh Stefan this is my dad, Teddie. Teddie this is my friend Stefan" 

"It's nice to meet you" my dad says gripping Stefan's hand and shaking it. "A nice firm shake that's what we like in a man. So what is my daughter really to you?" he asks. I look down afraid of what Stefan will say.

"I love her but she doesn't think we can be together" he replies. I look at dad. He smiles.

"That's my daughter." he says smiling. I smile and put my hand on his. 

"Dad I have something to tell you" I say looking directly at him.

"Sure hun. What is it?"

"I'm pregnant. I have been for 4 months" I say looking down at my belly. 

"What? But your not married. You don't even have a boyfriend"

"Dad?" I say concerned. 

"No. This is not ok. Just because I haven't been in your life for long doesn't mean you can do this to me" he says. I think confused some how I though he would be happier for me. I turn to Stefan and he just sits there.

"No. You haven't been in my life for long haven't you" I reply unaware of what to do.

"Don't blame this on me. I am your father. And you are the disappointment here" he says raising his voice as he stands up. I stand up with him.

"Why? Because I'm not a little girl which is what you think I am. I made this choice. I didn't choice for this to happen. It wasn't planned. But you have no right to judge me. You didn't even cared if I existed or not. You are the disappointment." I yell.

"Not talk to me like that" he says slowly. I grab my bag and start to walk off as nurses surround him, trying to calm him down. 

"I am your father!" he yells. Stefan holds my back and we walk out. 

We sit in the car for a bit in awkward silence. 

"Why didn't you tell him you are carrying it for someone else?" he asks looking at me. I look at him.

"Because I'm not. It someone else's. We've just been lying about it to everyone. I don't want anyone to think of me as the raped person that got pregnant two years after she finished school. It was a one time thing. And besides I was going to give the baby to Winnie anyway. I wasn't lying about how she couldn't have another kid." I explain. I continue to look at him and he goes in for a hug. I thought he would angry. I finally thought I could forgive him. He did care about me. I go into his hug and run my hands up and down his hair then rest on his shoulder. He lets go and then looks at me. He moves in for a kiss and I follow. We kiss and all these feeling come back. I didn't want to feel them but they felt so good.