It was me, not you

Chapter 3

"How are you feeling?" Stefan asks as I take out the horses. 

"Great. Being pregnant's great" I explain. He smiles and I look over and smile back. Stefan was writing things on the board like walk, and feed our new horse he was abandoned by his owner and mama and Winnie just had to bring him in. He was pretty cute and small. He was a foal. I walk over and see what he's doing.  "Your doing it wrong" I say and point out his mistakes. "He get fed every 6 hours. You messed up the times" I say and rub it off the chalk board. "Today you will have to keep an eye on him and don't take the horses out to the back paddock today it looks like there's gonna be a storm. I'm off" I explain.

"Where are you going?" he asks. 

"An appointment" I reply and walk over to the foal and pat him.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asks. 

"No" I say and walk off. As I walk out of the barn a car pulls up a Jeep. I stop to see who's in it. It was a well-built guy with blonde hair. I finally realise who it was. I run up to him and jump up and hug him. I wrap my legs around him and he kisses me. I jump down and he feels my belly. He grins as he feels it grin. I smile and put my hand on his cheek. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I wanted to see you" he says and looks at me I smile and hug him.

"I missed you too. I need to go to an appointment. Want to come?"

"Sure" he says and continues to look at my stomach.

"Let me grab my coat. I'll be back." I run to the quad bike and ride it to the house. I come back and see Stefan looking at him. He was almost analysing him. II shake my head and hop into Sam's car.

"Just a question. Did anything happen between you two while I was away. There seems like there is something going on between you and him" he says. I look at him.

"There's nothing going on. I love you and I know you love me. Did anything happen with you and anyone else while you were away?" I ask looking at him seriously.

"No" he says bluntly. "But I will tell you. I am excited to see him or her" he says smiling. I smile and he places his hand on mine and squeezes it softly. 

"Me too. We fit out this week if its a boy or girl."

"Do you think knowing the gender will change your mind at all about giving up the baby or not?" he asks. I had never thought of that.

"I don't know." I say and look out the window.

----

"Ok so how far in are you?" the doctor says setting up the equipment.

"Almost 5 months" I reply she nod her head and then squirts some special gel onto my stomach. I shiver from the cold gel sitting on my stomach. 

"Is this the father?" she says looking up at Sam. I nod my head. "Good, now you can see your baby on the monitor" she says moving the ultrasound probe around on my belly. 

"Do you want to know the sex?" she asks. I look up at Sam and he nods.

"Yes" I say and look at the monitor. 

"Its a girl" she says. I smile and look at my belly.  I look up and see Sam's face. It was almost glowing. I look down and feel my stomach. I don't think I want to give the baby up any more. We could be a family.

---

We all sit at the dinner table in awkward silence. I sit next Sam- who was staying for a couple of week at my house. Then I would to his. I look across and see Stefan looking at me. I try and look away but it was too hard. It was like I was drawn to him. But I didn't love him any more.

"We found out the sex today." I say and look at mama as I cut through my meat. "It's a girl" I say and stab my fork into the meat and eat it. 

"That's wonderful" Mama says and smiles.

"Yeah. And I think I want to keep it" I say and look at my meat.

"You do?" Sam asks looking at me. I look up at him and nod. He smiles and grabs my hand and holds it. "I do too" I smile and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Make sure you tell Winnie" mama says. 

"She won't be mad?" I ask.

"No. She wants you to be happy. And if you want to keep it she would be ok with that" mama explains I nod my head and Stefan stands up and walks off. I look at him as he walks out. 

"Are you alright?" Sam asks holding my hand.

"Yeah. I just need to speak to him" I say and stand up and walk after him.

"What was that about?" I yell as he walks off on me.

"I just need time to think" he says stopping. He doesn't turn around but I know he wants to. 

"You had 4 years to think" I yell and walk up to him. He finally turns around. 

"So?" he says shrugging. 

"I hated you for what you did to me."

"I was just trying to help you move on with your life" he says looking down.

"I hated you and then a month later I realise how much courage it took for you to do that. How much you really loved me. And how hard that would have been for you. It was type of love I have been hoping for for most of my life. But you not telling me where you were or what you were doing for 4 straight years and coming back to go to a engagement party. That's being a coward not a man."

"I was trying to give you your freedom."

"I don't need freedom you see. I didn't you to do that for me I am a grown woman. But if you say you trying to give me freedom than just leave me alone.  You don't have to live somewhere else, or move to a different state. Just leave me alone. Let me do what's right for me."

"Like your boyfriend? Sam. Is it?" he says.

"I love him. And don't you see when it comes to you I'm just gonna be that girl who loved to easy and was mean just because she loved someone to much. Without you I don't feel like that girl any more. Sam definitely doesn't treat me that way. He makes me feel loved and accepted."

"Look at me" he says I look into his eyes. "You can't even look at me right in the eye and tell me you don't love me." he says I nod my head.

"Your right I love you, but I'm not still in love with you. You know why; because you left me and you are the most selfish person I know." I say and walk off. I walk into the kitchen and run my fingers through my hair. I take a huge breath and sit on the couch next to Sam. He puts his arm out and I rest my head on his shoulder as the fire goes.