Chim- In aeternum

Chapter 2

She feels like she's floating above her body as they tell her about the months following her disappearance, about Cheryl opting out of the Kilimanjaro climb, about her refusing to acknowledge that Kimberley was not coming back even after her mother had confirmed she'd called and refused to return. The four of them had cancelled all promotional work, annoying the record company execs, who'd eventually relented and allowed them some time to sort themselves out. Cheryl had fallen pregnant around this time, Ashley damaging his knee beyond repair in a simple practice drill a month later, unprepared for early retirement.

The last straw had come when the four of them had collectively refused to go on tour without Kimberley, without their 'heart', and they'd been sued for breach of contract. They'd announced an indefinite hiatus not long after, and the lawsuit was dropped the next day.

They'd heard nothing from Cheryl until Kimberley's birthday, when Nicola had gotten a call from Ashley, saying she'd swallowed a bottle of pills and the doctors had been forced to perform a C-section to save the baby while they'd pumped Cheryl's stomach. Leigh had been premature, had thankfully pulled through, but Cheryl had suffered a breakdown and Ashley had been forced to become primary carer to his little girl while the Geordie recovered. It had taken a long year of regularly declined phone calls from the three of them before Cheryl had felt strong enough to see them, Kimberley's absence a distinct elephant in the room.

She'd gotten better and had bought into Nicola's make-up business, setting up a charity as well that she ran from her new home in Newcastle, happily out of the public eye. Her and Ashley had split about three years ago, Cheryl telling the girls that she'd simply grown away from him, despite the momentous changes he'd made for her and their daughter. Leigh had grown into a bright little nine year old, a keen horse rider thanks to 'Aunty' Sarah, Nadine teaching her to surf during last years holiday to LA.

It's enough of a shock that she throws up in her mother's rose garden, three hands rubbing her back where one other should've been.

-----

She sits in the last pew, face covered by a black funeral veil, keenly aware of the heads turning her way. She knows there's half a dozen news vans outside, furiously trying to get footage of her and the girls, and it saddens her that Justin's funeral has turned into the leading story for tonight's news because of them, because of her. It's not what she'd wanted with returning, her simple presence causing an invasion of privacy to her former love's family, whom she knew were going to have words with her in the next few hours. They had every right to be angry, Kimberley feeling his mother's burning eyes on her as she shifts awkwardly.

Sitting here under this harsh scrutiny was the least she could do. She was going to let his parents say what they needed to say, let them tell her how he'd lost himself after losing her, make sure she knew that she'd caused his death a week ago, ten years to the day of her disappearance. It was her fault he'd eased his pain with drugs, it was her fault he'd cut himself off from them, it was her fault he'd overdosed and died in some dirty alley.

It was the least she could do, after what she'd done to him. Chloe's somewhere in this church, and Justin's not going to walk her down the aisle, not going to be there to play with her kids and live his life like he should be.

That's her fault, and she's going to have to live with that, while his family lives without him.

-----

When she'd moved out, went touring with the girls that terrifying first year, her mother had refused to do anything with her room, Kimberley suspecting she'd thought the group wouldn't last a full year and that her daughter would eventually be back. She stares up at the ceiling now, her old mattress lying underneath her, wishing the room were the same way she'd left it all those years ago, wishing it were the way she remembered it being, because nothing about it now is familiar. Her mother's ironing board and a pile of unfolded clothes are making shadows on the far wall, and it's just adding to the horrible out of place feeling she's been having since she came home. The whole house is unfamiliar, the walls a light shade of cream, the old grandfather clock in the lounge the only piece of furniture she clearly remembers. The kitchen's been thoroughly renovated and that red carpet she'd always hated has been replaced by a rich green pattern less thread, but it's only exasperating the problem, only making her worry about what she's going to do if she cant settle herself back into this life where she's actually someone's daughter, sister, suddenly someone's aunt.

The doorbell rings downstairs, and it's like a switch being flicked inside her head, that old familiar sound making her tear up with it's simple complexity. She pulls back the covers and heads down the stairs, wiping her eyes as her mother follows her to the front door, the clock suddenly chiming. It's three in the morning, Kimberley wondering if it's Nadine here again to slap her and ball her eyes out afterwards.

Her mother's flicking the outside light on just as she opens the door, Kimberley gasping at the sight of the little girl squinting back at her, before fainting for the second time in a week.

She comes to with a wet cloth being applied to her face, looking up at her mother and the girl, who's peering down at her with Cheryl's eyes, nose and mouth the same shape as the Geordie's, skin a shade darker. She's beautiful, just like her mother, and Kimberley smiles as her tears start again, carefully sitting up.

“I didn't mean to make you cry.”

Kimberley shakes her head. “It's okay sweetie. These are happy tears.”

“Okay...I'm Leigh. Everyone thinks Mummy named me after me Dad, when actually she named me after you. There's a Lee Chambers in my class, but it's spelt different 'cause he's a boy. He's got nits, so I don't like him.”