Countryside Love

Countryside Love: 11 ~ Realisation

11 ~ Realisation

Derek had been visiting me through out the summer and the more I talked to him the more I felt like the wall I made around my heart is slowly melting away which its scares me because I know deep down, I’m not ready to fall all over again.

Libby and Josh had been encouraging me that everything will be alright this time while I keep reminding them that I am teenage single mother who have to take online courses because my mother and I can’t afford a babysitter. But they still continue to tell me to just go out with Derek without reminding him that we are just ‘hanging out as friends’ whenever I see him.

The first time I said those words to Derek, he looked disappointed but when the second, third and so on, and he looks not only disappointed but hurt too. I felt bad but I didn’t want our friendship to be ruined. But after what seems to be my twenty times saying it, he seems like he given up and I felt miserable and disappointed that he is giving up just like that.

I knew deep down it was stupid of me to make him think that there could be something between us but then the next time we go out, I would say that we are only hanging out as friends ruining everything all over again.

So it wasn’t a surprise when he invited me again to his party and he introduced a woman to me. I said woman because she was about the same age as Derek. He introduced her as his ‘girlfriend’. Then she started gushing up stuff like they only started dating a week ago, the same week that Derek stopped asking me to ‘hang out’.

That news felt like someone just stabbed me straight through the heart. Thankfully Libby and Josh were there. Rather than leaving and showing Derek that it affects me, I congratulate both of them before partying like there’s no tomorrow.

I remember thinking that for just one night; I wanted to feel like a carefree teenager and not a mother. Libby, Josh and I partied without care, taking shots, and joining dares and for me, drinking away problems.

I had fun even though I realised that Derek had accepted me even though he knew I had a son and I still pushed him away. I realised that I love him more than I loved Taylor or anyone else. After realising all those things, I stopped grinding with a guy I had been dancing for a while and looked for Libby and Josh.

I found Libby making out with someone and I didn’t bother them. Josh was doing the same but with a guy. With my drunken mind, I went and look for Derek but I found them at the backyard making out with his girlfriend.

They didn’t realise I was there until I drop the bottle of beer I was holding making both of them jumped. Derek looked at me with confusion and guilt while the girl only looked at me annoyed.

I felt angry and very jealous but I had no right to be so I did what I thought would be a best to act like I was too drunk to even hold my bottle of beer. “Heeeeey!” I said dragging the ‘e’ and making my voice sounds too drunk to hold any more alcohol. “What’cha doin’?”

Derek apologised to his girlfriend saying that he needs to drop me off because I was his ‘responsibility’ not because I was special to him. No he made it clear to her that I am underage and I was his CHILDHOOD FRIEND. His words stings but I brush it off.

I told him that I was fine and all I need to do is sleep it off. He showed me to his guest room and I asked him to tell Libby and Josh where I was which he agreed to then he left me there in that room all by myself. But at least I knew he did told Libby and Josh where I was because a few minutes later, they rushed into the room and comfort me.

I cried and told them everything I realise to what I saw then I begged them to take me home which they agreed on. We sneak out through the window; the guest room was at the basement with this little window that was enough size for me and my friends to sneak out. We did close the window since we didn’t want anyone else to sneak in and break into Derek’s house.

We walked to my house which was an hour walk. We had bough coffee and sweets from a shop near Derek house to help us all to sober up. By the time we got home it was around two in the morning. We just walk in the house making sure that my mother can hear our voices so she doesn’t need to panic thinking someone is breaking in.

Libby and Josh had decided that I need a distraction so we watched some comedy films with a tub of Ben & Jerry ice cream. It was around four when my phone rings and it was Derek. I didn’t answer it at first but then he just wouldn’t stop calling. Josh told me to answer but Libby said no then they started bickering so I shush both of them and answered his calls but pretend that I just woke up.

He sounds worried and very upsets. He then asking where I was so I told him Libby and Josh took me home. He then demands why we didn’t tell him and what was wrong with the guest room so I lied to him. I told him the music was too loud and Libby couldn’t find him. He did however shout at me for making him worry and for lying because apparently he had been near the door since he dropped me to the guest room.

He then started lecturing me and with my irritation and anger for being accuse of lying even though its true, I snapped at him and told him maybe he was too busy making out with his girlfriend to notice that we left and his girlfriend’s big head must had made it impossible for us to see him while she eat his face.

He didn’t say anything to after a moment and I couldn’t help but think that I hit a bull’s-eye. Libby then mouthed ‘you sound very jealous, act like you are not’ and Josh joins in and mouthed ‘act like you have a headache and wants to sleep’. So I did what they advice me and I told Derek that I have a massive headache and if that’s all he wants to say I was going back to sleep. He apologised for waking me up and said his goodbye, I said mine too but I added ‘dad’ on it.

Libby and Josh try to hold their laughing to minimum so we wouldn’t wake my mother and Beck up. I don’t know what time we fell asleep but when I woke up, I felt refresh but sore at the same time.

Libby and Josh haven’t woken up yet, so I went and check on Beck and so him still fast asleep. I took that time and went to have a shower. I let myself cry and I told myself that everything will be okay.