Silence /-/ Joshler Fanfiction

Chapter 3

Tyler's POV

TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm mentioned

Tyler waited anxiously for Josh's arrival. He was scared, no, terrified to be alone; he always has. But he didn't need just anyone, he needed Josh. When Tyler got scared when he was younger, he would always sleep in his parents room. But it didn't conquer the fear, it just minimized it. But with Josh, it was different. Whenever Josh was around, he didn't feel scared anymore. He felt the sadness melt away and an overflow of happiness fill his whole body. Just seeing Josh's contagious smile, as his eyes crinkled and his dimples showed made Tyler want to hug him to death. He wanted to move in with Josh and live with him for the rest of his life so he would never be alone; never be scared. But he knew that Josh wouldn't like that. He knows Josh loves him, but not in that way. Josh would probably get tired of him and... and leave.

Tyler cringed at the thought and covered his ears with his hands. He couldn't stop this fear from messing with his head; making Tyler do things he didn't want to do, like cutting. He hated committing self-harm, but it reminded him that he was still alive and could actually feel something besides fear. The pain distracted him from his head telling him things he didn't want to hear.

Tyler looked at the clock, 7:30PM. He sighed and looked down at his arms. There were scars, old and new, all for the same reason... Tyyyyyllleeerrr... Tyyyllleerrr... Ty-guy... Hey you idiot, listen to me! I don't think Josh is coming over, so you really shouldn't be getting so worked up. Even if he did come, it's all in pity. He doesn't actually like you, if anything he hates you; doesn't even know why he is in the band in the first place!

Tyler quickly ran to his bathroom and splashed cool water on his face. He looked up at his reflection, You know, Tyler, you have really gotten ugly. Haha! Not even a plastic surgeon could fix that mess up! Aw don't cry, Tyler. It was only a joke! Can't you take a little joke?! Stop crying you idiot!!! Tyler slid down and curled up into a ball on the floor. Blurry kept pounding in his head and his vision was getting fuzzy. He couldn't hear anything in reality, just the sad reality he lived in when he was alone. Through Tyler's blurred vision, he could see a figure scrambling in and shaking him then.... Silence

~

It was really dark. No noise, no life, just darkness. Tyler couldn't tell if his eyes were opened or closed. He couldn't tell if he was moving or still. He couldn't tell if he was living or dead. Then he heard it again, Tyler, you should really stop embarrassing yourself, look. An image of Josh appeared. He was on his knees beside Tyler, shaking him with tears in his eyes. Tsk tsk, Tyler. You should be ashamed of yourself. Now you're going to have to tell Josh about me... And that won't be good for you, especially since Josh already thinks you're insane for deciding to sleep on the floor.

"Tyler! Tyler, wake up! Please wake up! Oh god, no Tyler!" Josh's voice echoed in Tyler's ears. Looks like that's my cue to leave! Smell ya later, idiot! Tyler's vision finally revived and the first thing he saw was Josh's face drowned in so many emotions that he couldn't comprehend what he was feeling. Once Josh noticed Tyler was awake, he engulfed him in a gigantic hug, "Tyler! Oh my god, Tyler! I thought-I thought you had died! Are you okay?! Do you need anything?! I can-" Tyler cut him off, releasing their hug and looking Josh deep in his eyes, "J-Josh, I'm fine. Just-Just" Right on cue, Josh opened his arms for Tyler to wrap himself into. Tyler's shoulders shook as his tears, once again, stained Josh's shirt and Josh, once again, not caring about the condition of his shirt; Tyler was more important.

Josh let Tyler silently cry in his arms as he drew random patterns on Tyler's back. Once Tyler's crying had minimized, Josh looked up at the clock, 9:20PM. "Hey, Ty. Want to talk about it?" Tyler slowly looked up at Josh's soft smile and he nodded. Josh walked Tyler into the kitchen and pulled out the snacks that he had brought. Josh opened up a big bag of chips and two cans of Red Bull, "So, what's wrong, buddy?" Josh asked. Tyler didn't say anything for a while, he just looked at Josh, eyes tear-stained and red. Tyler took a deep breath and started to explain, "I-I don't know, it's just that whenever I'm alone, a... voice in my head starts, I don't know, saying bad things about me and how no one loves me and I should just die because I'm a waste of space. S-so to try to mute this voice, I-I cut... my arms. It distracts me from the voice that tells me that you, and my friends and my family don't love me and never will and... and I can't take it, Josh. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to live with this voice in my head..." Tyler looked up from his hands into Josh's concerned face. It looked like Josh was deep in thought until he started to talk, "Tyler, I will always love you, and so will anyone else. I'm here to help you, I will do anything for you. So if you want anything, just tell me okay?" Tyler looked into Josh's loving eyes and hugged Josh so abruptly that he dropped his Red Bull on the floor. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler, "J-Josh? Will you help me please?" Josh looked into Tyler's eyes and spread a warm smile across his face, making Tyler's heart melt, "Of course I will, Ty. I'll do anything for you, remember that." Tyler tightened his grasp on Josh and whispered, "Thank you..."

AN: I literally had to listen to Before You Start Your Day on repeat to get into my "zone" while writing this chapter. Idk why, but it helps me get into the story when I'm listening to music that fits the mood.

Anyways, stay bright my friends! :3