Songs in The Key of Life

Retrograde

~~~You're on your own
In a world you've grown
Few more years to go,
Don't let the hurdle fall
So be the girl you loved,
Be the girl you loved~~~

I sat at my vanity staring at my reflection. In 3 more days I'll be 27. I was getting old , fast. Where had the time gone. What had I done with my life. I had had big dreams for myself. On air radio personality, voice over actor. The money without all of the fame. After college my internship at Power 92.3 had actually turned into a job. But here I was 4 years later and still not on air. I had a few ads on air but nothing to be recognized for. I was still just a board operator. I did step out of my comfort zone when I volunteered to organize this year's Summer Jam. Why did I do that? I haven't slept in months and June 19 was approaching fast. I looked tired.... drained. My eyes had dark sunken in circles around them. I looked like a zombie. The over worked undead. But no amount of makeup could hide the sadness behind my eyes. It had been weeks since I saw Laurent at the bar. I have no idea why I missed a man I barley even knew him. It was so bad I even made a fake profile page on Instagram so I could track his every move. Yes I said fake. My pride wouldn't dare let me follow him using my real one. A russling noise came from my bed. I looked into the mirror past my reflection at Darrell.

"Call me when you ready to not be the same " Laurent's words play back in my head. Was I ready? I had spent my entire life playing it safe. Doing just enough to stand out but not show off. I worked hard but never really pushed the bar. I scared away from "going there" if I had to. And that was way I wasn't ready for Laurent. But that didn't mean I had to settle for Darrell either. I was worth Damn more then to be played with.

I got up from my vanity and walked across the room to the side of the bed where he was laying. It was time for dude to bounce.

"Darell it's time for you to leave "

"What you mean the alarm ain't went off yet.." he yawned " wake me up when it goes off " he said beginning to roll over.

"Naw naw see u not hearing me it's for you to leave .... I'm done"

"U done?.... the fucks that supposed to mean?.... you done?"

"Just what I said I'm done.... you just up and disappeared for 2 months. .. 2 MONTHS. .and then just come back like everything's cool ....

"I told you I needed time to think..." he yells exhausted with my not seeing his side.

"You proposed to me.... not the other way around. .. You proposed to me... and then ran away to go think .... FOR 2 MONTHS. .. how is that possibly acceptable.... if that what life with you is gonna be like then I don't want it.... or you for that matter..."

"What are you saying? " He asks seriously this time.

I see I got his attention. Never in our 3 year relationship had I ever been the one to call us off. Never the one to say I needed a "BREAK" . But this time was real I wanted him gone never to return.

" Your serious... your breaking up with me? He states in a shocked mocking under tone.

"Yes I deserve better..."

"You deserve Shit..." he spits" you know what whatever. .. who the needs you anyway. "

"You should go now. " I reply to his bitter words. Holding back the tears from my eyes. Such hate from a man who once claimed to love me

"And what about my shit..." he yells well putting on his shirt and grabbing his jacket.

"I've packed it all ... it by the front door"

"Well someone was really busy well I slept." He say sarcastically. Heading out the bedroom towards the front.

"And I called you an Uber. ... he's down stairs. "

"Huh ..." he turns to look at me " you'll be back.. your gonna miss to much. He says as he leaves out the door.

"Not as much as you'll miss me" I say as I close it behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's my birthday yaaay. My best friends begged me to go out. "Get me out of my funk." They said. That and to celebrate my promotion. Not only did I take a big step in getting rid of Darrell. I took one when I applied for the on air personality gig at work. I was finally getting my own show.

"Oo Oo wear the blue one.." Diana said coming out of my closet holding up and strapless blue minne dress. Diana was my bitch... my boo... my bestie. She had my back come hell or high water. She was real.. she kept 100 and always helped me see the brighter side to things.

"No blue is not her color.." said Nicole. Nicole was my other bestie. She put the fun in my dysfunctional. She was the petty to my wap. This was a girl after my own shady heart. Our petty's matched and that was way we were besties. The 3 of us. Me and Nicole would be petty and throw shade which usually caused people not to like us. And Diana would stand up of us and take our outside ... even if we were wrong.

"What about red.." Diana said going back into the closet.

"Off White..."

"What..." she yelled from inside

"Off White...." my sister said again

My sister..... my twin sister to be exact. The Ying to my Yang. She was my better half. Trinity and TreiAnn. The 2 of us and just us 2. That was our saying. It meant that it was us against the world. Because at the end of it all all we had was each other.

"Like the one she wore on prom.." Trin said " that's her color.

"Off White..... but she doesn't have any dresses that color." Diana yelled back in disappointment.

"Oo Oo but she does have a top that color..." Nicole says as she jumps off my bed and hops to the dresser. She opens drawer by drawer, throwing all my tops about till she comes across the one she wants. "And it's backless." She says holding up the top and shaking it about.

"Sexy.... now skirt or pants."

"Jeggings"

"And what about her hair"

They had surrounded me in the vanity. Poking and prodding.. discussing my look as if I wasn't even there.

"UMM yea sitting right here.. birthday girl ... yea me .... can't I have a choice at what I should wear."

"No" they all 3 replied in unison

"You have the worst fashion sense. " Trin laughed "What kind of sister would I be if I let you dress your self on your birthday. "

Diana and Nicole laugh at her comment.

"I dress my self just fine thank you. "

"It's you birthday..... let us be your glam squad. " Nicole says

"Yea when we're done with you .... you won't even recognize yourself. " Diana finished

"Fine" I said giving in and submitted to my fate. What else did I had to lose

(Pic in media)

We had gone to eat had drinks at my bar and now we were at "The Shrine" dancing our asses off. The liquor had its hold on me and I was differently feeling myself.

"How yall doing out there tonight Chicago. " the DJ said over the speakers. "I wanna give a special birthday shout out to my girl Trei over there on the dance floor ."

I waved at him as my girls did they're hooping and hollering.

"And without further delay I'm go go head introduce tonight's host .... the identical dancing duo ... Larry and Laurent Bourgeois.... aka Les Twins yall"

The crowd erupted into applause. I froze.... a shiver ran up my spine. I could feel him before I even turned around. I knew he was there .... behind me before he even spoke. And in a slight whisper right above my left ear.

"You look beautiful Belle...." he kissed my cheek " Happy birthday. "