Epilepsy (DISCONTINUED)

P.E.

T R I G G A R W A R N I N G self harm, abuse, flashbacks panic attacks and anxiety disorder mentions of eating disorders

Joe's pov
I wake up more tired then before falling asleep, my head kills
no surprise there
and the constant dizziness still ever-present. I get out of bed my ankle has shooting pains run through it.
Flashback
I walk into the house as quitely and quickly as possible, trying not to gain the attention of my drunk father I slip up to my room to make a start on the mountain of homework on my desk. But I fail
"joeseph graham Sugg get your fat ass down here now!"
my father slurs, I walk doen onto the 'beating ground (the hallway) I know now what to expect so I just stand and wait for the first blow..... It comes and soon enough I'm on the floor with him standing slightly on my left ankle, I hear the crack of bones and feel pain run up my leg.
"I'm finnished you piece of shit!"
he says the words that free me from the beating. I limp up to my bedroom forgetting to lock my door I pass out on the floor out of pain and relief.... ...........
I wake up on zoe's bed my left ankle in a blue and black splint and the rest of my body covered with black and blue bruising my head in my siblings lap her tears falling on my face,
"zo what happend? When did you get here?"
I ask Trying my best not to whimper in pain
"I got home about 3 hours ago broseph. I found you unconscious on your bedroom floor having been beaten by our Father, you have an almost broken ankle jojo and a cut on your head but I'm here now no beatings for a while I promise jojo!"
she tells me helping me sit up.......
We go down to dinner I pic at the meal no change there I'm never hungry... EVER!
"I'm finnished are you joe?" zoe says taking her plate to the sinc I nod knowing if I speak I will probably get slapped I take my full plate over only limping slightly because of the splint.
"zoe Elizabeth Sugg why did you help this piece of fucking shit!"
our Father yells walking over to me and zoe raising his hand "because he needs help from me to survive this hell!"
she shouts standing her ground as our Father snaps He goes to slap zoe, his pride and joy he never has once halmed her always me and this was not going to be the first. I step infront and take the slap on my already bruised cheak.......
Flashback ends
I place the blue and black splint on my ankle before checking my timetable
shit
P.E. Last. I wear the usual Jenes but put my white pe top on under the usual black T-shirt and a blue zip jumper. I pack school bag and find my big black comfy hoodie and put it on folding it over my hands.
"Joe are you up?"
caspar calls walking to the kitchen.
"yea cas I'll be out in a min!"
I call back putting my mac book in my bag and zipping it up before grabbing my blue and red trainers. I walk into the kitchen and see caspar attempting to cook sausages. "casp let me.. Go sort out your bag!"
I say placing my small hand on his shoulder
"OK!"
he says pulling me into a warm side hug that makes butterflies form in my stomach, he walks off to his room while I cook the breakfast. I plate up as he walks in
"jojo are ypu eating too?"
he asks sitting down I nod and take a sausage off his plate and putting it in my mouth I jump up onto the worktop making him laugh. We eat in silence and in no time at all we are walking to form. I go to the back were dam and phil are waiting for me.
"hey phan!"
I say making them glare but laugh
"hey Joe how come you don't have your P.E bag?"
phil asks looking at my one bag
"oh well I'm wearing my top and trainers so I have my joggers in my bag!"
I say placing it on the floor. "cool so Joe how are you?" phil asks as I take out my laptop so I can start on the ton of homework I have
"mm I'm good phil!"
I say logging into my desktop. "What you doing?"
Dan asks as I open a tab. "homework."
I say focused on the screen we have to make a presentation on home life.
Fuck my life I can't do that without getting dad arrested and me put into care for the next 6 months
I close my eyes Because of his drug addiction, he's alcoholic and abusive towards me.
I feel two sets of arms wrap round me and tears fall down my face.
Your a mess Joe...
Nobody likes you.....
You'd be better dead were ypu could hurt nobody....
Your father punished you because you did wrong........ Caspar doesn't care about you
he makes you eat because your fat and he wants you dead.........
Zoe doesn't need you nobody does Joe
Flashback
I walk into the schools pe changing rooms with my school bag on my shoulder and pe kit by my side, I change slowly every move makes my damaged body hurt more.
"hurry up you gay faggot!"
a few of the boys shout at me as I pull my too big top over my head onto my thin body. I feel hands on my shoulders I flinch involuntary
"what's up gayboy scared your gonna get hurt!?!"
the boy taunts spinning me around he punches my gut making me gag and throw up my own stomach acid, my feet get knocked from beneath me and I hit my head on the bench every thing goes black....
I can't breath,
I can't move
I start to panic.
Dan's pov
I notice Joe has started crying and phil hugs him. I hug him too but feel him Stiffen and tears fall from his eyes. He stays like this for 15 minuets and then he stops breathing and moving. "phil let Go!"
I say not moving my arms but loosening my grip phil let's go and moves joe's laptop onto his desk. Joe's breathing becomes shallow and his head falls against my arm.
"Joe? Joe wake up its okay!" I say placing his head on the table. I hold his shoulders which have started shaking. "philly get zoe and caspar!"
I whisper looking into phils worried blue eyes he nods and walks over to zoe and the points at me she, Alfie and caspar rush over.
"Dan what happend?"
zoe asks calmly even though it is clear in her eyes she is worried.
"zoe he was talking to us and then he zoned out for 15 minuets and started crying, so so me and phil hugged him and he he went really still, stopped mo moving an andd breathing....."
I say starting to panic "Danny it's okay bear don't worry"
phil whispers comforting me "Dan don't worry he has passed out because of a Flashback it used to happen all the time at school!"
she tells me. Caspar leans down placing his hand on joes, and it is kinda cute bit surly caspar isn't gay. I think nuseling onto phils neck his sent and warmth soothing my worry.
"bear what's up your shaking baby?"
phil says grabbing my shaking hands I hadn't realised I was to focused on Joe and phil and as a result, I neglected myself like I normally do, Phil had eating issues and I was so focused on helping him that I had to be hospitalised for a month in the summer until I was a healthy weight again. My breathing falls onto an unusual pattern and phil is the only one who notices.
Phil's pov
I had eating issues last summer and Dan helped me through it making me eat and taking it slowly, but he put his health on the line and he neglected himself ended up in hospital having passed out out of exhaust and hunger. Now once again having to stay calm for me, Zoe, Alfie, Caspar and Joe he has fallen into a panic attack without realising. I hold his hands
"bear your shaking baby!"
I say as his breathing pattern falls uneven he is still nuseling my neck which is worrying as his breathing becomes more shallow.
"bear listen to me baby look at me!"
I say moving his head out from my neck his gorgeous brown eyes full of worry and trust. I look at Joe who is semi conscious and talking to caspar and zalfie.
"bear Joe is okay look!"
I say rubbing his back soothing him as he calms down "thanks philly!"
he says hugging me.
Joe's pov
I feel a hand on mine and my head on the table. I can Breath again and I feel less tense. I hear zoe, Phil and Dan behind me and two people infront one of them holding my hand. I open my eyes and look onto they eyes of my sisters boyfriend.
"hey Alfie!"
I say lifting my head onto my arms and find caspar looking worried.
"hey buddy.. What happend?"
I ask looking between the two boys
"Joe you had a Flashback and it caused you to panic and fall into an unconscious anxiety attack. Are you okay?" zoe says coming between the boys heads
"I'm okay zoesph I'm sorry Dan Phil."
I say sitting Up looking at Dan who I shaking in phils embrace.
"it's okay Joe but do you know what Brought the Flashback on?"
phil says still calming a worried Dan down
"oh its the home life project thing brought back a few memories from my last school..... That's all I'm okay now don't worry about me!"
I Finnish looking at the whole group. Zoe mouths
'group chat me and you Bro'
I move my head slightly And they all go back to their seats. I feel my phone vibrate on my pocket And see Zoe looking down at hers, I take mine out and see a new chat called
'sibling chat'
Officialzoella added  thatcherjoe into the chat