This chapter is just a filler.
***
HER
***
The next day comes fairly quickly but that's probably because all I'm thinking about is my date with Jay.
Jay.
His name is a whispers but needs up being a thousand shouts. The only person that has been invading my mind right now. It's weird because the last time I felt like this, it was with Daniel but now, I'm scared because Jay is unpredictable and his moves are undetectable. What happens if he moves on? What if I'm just another girl?
Nevertheless, Quinn is right. I should stop thinking about the what if and start thinking about the what now. There's a huge difference between both questions. What if is questioning something that might happen in the future but how do you know it will happen? Whereas what now is thinking about the present, thinking where do we go from here.
That's how I should be thinking. I'm only 18 once and Spring break is just around the corner. I need to live a little and I plan on doing that. I need to stop thinking about what if Jay leaves me. So what if he does, I'm Paris Gold and I don't need nobody to keep me happy if I got myself.
Though there will always be doubt about him and the back of my mind, right now I need to stay young because that's who I am.
***
HIS
***
She's has me trapped like a bird in a cage. Every time a girl comes by and flirts with me, I stop myself from flirting back because I immediately feel guilty and I don't know why.
Paris.
The only person who has been in my mind. She makes me want to do better for her, try be the guy she wants. After what I heard about Daniel, I felt sick of myself. I couldn't be him and no matter how much I wanted to argue about if I don't like Paris or if I do, it will always be the latter.
She let me in and honestly that's all I wanted from her but when she pulled away from our kiss yesterday, I knew she wanted to ask me that question. However she kept it herself though it confused me that she didn't say anything.
I was waiting for that question instead as I dropped her home, she gave me a light smile and kiss before hopping out the car and running in the house, glancing over her shoulder and smirking at me before the front door closed.
She is impossible to figure out like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, easy to put together but hard to find the right match. I have to tread carefully around her because she is like a bomb, emotions building inside her.
I wanted to keep her safe and warm in my arms after I kissed her, her chocolate tastes still lingering on my lips.
Her voice so smoothing like a lullaby and soft like clouds. I need her so bad but she's too locked away.
How can I break through her walls?
How can I break through Gold?
***
HER
***
It's weird. All of this. Me starting to like him, him starting to break through my walls. It's like a game of cat and mouse.
The hardest part of all of this is me accepting the fact that I'll have to let someone in. It's been ages since I last done that and maybe I opened up to Jay a little bit yesterday but not fully enough for him to see how weak and worthless I really am.
Mom left me when I was 14, when I needed her the most. Dad never actually told me what happened between them and because Quinn was always pulling me around to parties, telling me to live a little, I never actually got to hear what the arguments were about.
However, I knew they were about me.
Dad sees me as his whole world, he looks at me the way he had looked at my mom once.
Pain. It's a whole different meaning to every person. Sometimes it could occur because someone is upset with their life, their family, lovers or friends. Sometimes it could be because they simply give up. But for me it's because I'm heartbroken, I'm lost, I'm simply in pain.
I had everything once, friends, family and a boyfriend. Slowly they seem to slip out of my reach and then one day, they just weren't there. They didn't come back and I didn't expect them to.
Worst part of this is that if Jay comes into my life, I'll drag him down in my sorrow because no one can fix me, no one can mend this broken soul of mine. I have to stay away. Yes, that's what I'll do. I keep a distance and not being him into my gloomy world.
It's for him. No matter how much I want him, it's for him.
I need to do this for him.
***
HIS
***
It crazy. All of this. Me wanting her, her breaking through my walls. It's like a game of cat and mouse.
She doesn't even know that she's getting through the cracks in my walls that I put up. No I don't like opening up but with her, it's different. I want to open up, tell her all my darkest secrets. It's the sudden urge, an instinct I have around her.
My heart is like an wild animal in a cage, thumping loudly and rapidly whenever I'm around her. Sometimes I feel like she can hear it from the way she smirks as she looks at me, her baby blue eyes glimmering at me with an evil glint.
It's a crazy how she can make me feel like that and now it's like she has to be mine. I need her to be mine because no other girl can make me feel like this, whatever 'this' is.
Paris Gold. Her name. Her smell. Her existence has me going crazy.
She saving me, helping me mend the broken hole I have.
I need to have her. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll get to know her and be the friend she needs right now. Even if I want to be more than friends, it's what she needs right now, I'll help the wounds heal first before I allow myself to teach her to love.
It's for her. Not matter how much I need her, it's for her.
I need to do this for her.
••••
Edited 5.3.17
It's a Sunday and I'm really tried. I just got back from one of my family's house and it's really late but luckily I was in the mood to do a quick edit of this chapter.
There wasn't much to edit. This is just a filler because I felt that too much dialogue makes things boring.
I don't know. Comment and tell me your views.
Stay awesome x
LMB
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