The Hunger Games: Camden Shepard

Chapter 16

I blinked up at the bright lights above my head. I tried to raise my arm to shield my eyes, but found it was too heavy. I looked down. My left arm, the one that had been cut, was covered in a heavy plaster. My right arm had tubes and wires sticking out of it. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the bright lights and turned my head to the side. Finnick was asleep in a chair next to me, he was slouched over with his head on the bed beside me. My heart pounded in my chest. I reached over with my left arm and touched his cheek. He shot up in his chair, alert, immediately defensive. His eyes met mine and a huge smile, along with pure relief, spread across his face.
"Cam." His voice met my ears for the first time in weeks and I closed my eyes, letting a sudden calmness pass over me. I felt him kiss me, my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, then finally my lips. His were quivering as they met mine and I realized he was crying. I opened my eyes as he pulled away. "Cam, you did it. You won."
You won. Jacks voice met my ears again, a phantom noise that filled my brain and sent fresh grief through me. Finnick could sense the change in my attitude.
"What is it, Cam?" His voice was panicked. You won for me, Cam. Jacks voice came again. Hearing Jacks voice in my head, hearing him say my name, knowing he was dead and that it was my fault was too much. The nightmare came back to me with crashing force. It's your fault, Cam. Your fault, Cam. Your fault, Cam. Jack chanted the words in my head over and over. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to cover my ears, but my hands were still attached to the machines around me. I screamed. It's your fault, Cam. Fault, Cam. Cam. Cam. Cam. My name rang in my ears, Jacks anger and hatred and blame making it feel like wound being ripped open each time he repeated it.
"Cam!" Finnick was beside himself trying to cam me down. A nurse ran in and I felt a needle prick my arm. Then I blacked out again.
When I woke up I was alone. The lights in my room were off and it was dark outside my window except for the occasional fireworks that were being shot off from the streets below.
"They're celebrating your victory." Finnick's low voice materialized in the doorway. He looked exhausted, his eyes were puffy and his blonde hair was a wreck. He was carrying two cups in his hand. He walked over to the chair by my bed and handed me one of the cups. I took a sip and recognized the sweet, rich fast of hot chocolate. He put a hand on my leg.
"What happened, Cam?" He asked. I stiffened at my name. He noticed. "What is it?" I shook my head and swirled a finger around in my hot chocolate.
"Cam." His voice was insistent. I shifted uncomfortably. I could tell the Games had changed me. I knew I was not the same Cam anymore. I knew Camden Shepard had died in that arena the moment Jack had died for me. The moment my mind snapped. I was no longer Camden Shepard. Camden Shepard had died.
A few tears of my own drifted slowly down my face.
"Cam?" Finnick whispered wiping away my tears gently. "What is it?"
"Camden Shepard is dead." I whispered back. "She died with Layla and Jack." Finnick dropped his head, knowingly, understanding my meaning. He'd lived through a Games. He knew what it was like.
"Then who are you now?" He asked. I thought for a moment. I needed a new name. I needed a new identity. Camden Shepard was dead. I was a new person. I was a changed person. I could be anyone.
I thought of new names for myself. Finnick watched patiently, stroking my now short hair. I looked past him to my reflection in the glass window of my room. My hair was stained red, no doubt from Jacks and Jeanette's blood, and it was short. I saw the blue pendant around my neck and the sadness in my eyes. I looked just like my mother.
"Annie." I decided finally. "Annie Cresta." Finnick nodded solemnly.
"How did you pick that?" He asked. My hand went up to my neck and I ran my thumb over the diamond necklace still hanging on my neck.
"It was my mothers name."