The Girl

Can I Disappear?

I sit in my room all alone thinking of what I've done wrong. I hear my mom and dad fighting downstairs. I get up and head to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I've been feeling so alone since what happened between Alex and me. My new depression is getting worse and worse, i feel like I'm being trapped. I've been eating less and what i do eat i throw up later that day. I'm starting to think maybe i am crazy, maybe i don't even belong here. Maybe what i saw was a sign that it's time for me go. A sign I'm going to hell.

I grab my razor i hid in a box used for storing earrings. I turn on the bath tub and fill it up a little below half way. I take off my shoes and socks and sit down in the water. I take the blade and trace a cut down my left arm. I then close my eyes and put my head under water. I hear my dad coming upstairs and the front door slams shut.

My dad knocks on the door asking if he can come in but i don't reply. He knocks again but louder and harsher and sounding desperate and scared, still i don't reply. While i slowly loose consciousness, he slams the door opens and rushes to the bath tub and pulls me out of water to see I've cut myself very deep. He pulls out his phone and calls 911... I wake up later in a hospital bed, my dad beside the bed with tears streaming down his face. My mom's not here, i don't think my dad knows where she is. I pass out again, to wake up the next morning. My dad's asleep and Alex is on the opposite side of the bed, my mom still no where to be seen.

"Hey..." Alex says quietly not to wake my dad.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a very upset manner that sends my dad jolting straight up.

"I'll talk to you later, i'll give you and your dad some privacy" Alex says getting up and walking out sadly.

"Madison thank god you're okay"

"Why wouldn't i be fine dad? You found me in a tub of my own blood and got me to the hospital on time. which by the way, thanks so much for that. I obviously was so happy and didn't want to die." I say in a much meaner tone than intended.

"Maddy please don't do this, not now, i just want to be happy i still have my daughter." he replies in a very sad tone.

I sit up and hug my dad, i didn't mean to make him sad i just wasn't very happy to see Alex considering i did this because of her.

"Where's mom?" I ask

He hesitates to reply and tears roll down his face while he speaks "Your mom left us, she said she couldn't handle you like this and that you and I are a disappointment to her."

My sadness turns to anger, i stand up slowly and look at the small table next to my bed. I feel my anger building up and i take the table and flip it across the room. I scream and hit the wall over and over again. My dad gets up and hugs me close to stop me from hurting myself and i begin to cry.

Alex rushes into the room to see what happened, i see concern and guilt written all over her face. She rushes over to me and my dad and hugs us while saying "I'm so sorry, i love you all."

Time passes nurses and the doctor come and go, eventually they say i can leave as long as i am under close watch at all times. Alex pushes my wheelchair all the way to the front door, then helps me out of it and assists me to my dads truck. My dad gets in the drivers seat and starts up the truck while Alex helps me into the back seat and sits beside me. When we get home i go straight to my room and Alex follows behind me. I go to my closet and put on pajamas and i feel Alex is watching me change. I stop turn around to ask a question but she turns around at the same time. I put on my pajamas and walk over to my bed.

"Do you want me to stay the night with you or do you promise you'll be okay?" Alex asks in a polite manner.

"Stay, i'd like to have your company again" I say patting a spot next to me on my bed.

Alex crawls onto my bed and lays straight up facing my ceiling. "Goodnight Maddy"

"Goodnight Alex" i say and turn towards her. I wrap my arm around her and i fall asleep in a couple of seconds thanks to the medicine that's still in my system.