How Can You Ease The Pain

Falling Slowly

Kris never intended to utter those words to the young man.

In fact, he never intended to extend any invitation to anyone.

Not ever.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly what was going on with him, but there was something genuine in the talkative beautiful man. Perhaps it was his overall innocence that piqued Kris's interests, though Kris figured there was nothing remotely innocent about this guy. He was too good-looking to be innocent. He couldn't very well be single either. He couldn't be unattached. Some rich guy somewhere was taking care of this little one. Kris was certain of it. While he delivered for his dad's store, he wasn't dressed as your typical delivery guy. I mean, who delivers food wearing Gucci? It was a rather unflattering assumption to make but Kris was cynical now. He didn't trust anyone or anything. He wanted to know what this young man wanted from him.

Negativity aside, Kris was feeling something.

Something he hadn't felt in ages and he wanted to feel it.

Over and over.

It shocked him that he woke up in his bed with the delivery guy staring at him.

He tried, in vain, to avoid the elephant in the room, notwithstanding, but it was out there.

"Could you stay a little bit longer?"

Kris didn't understand all the swirling of emotions hitting him all at once. It was overwhelming him, pulling him further into the web of the man lying next to him. He didn't know what to do about all of this and he was fighting an internal battle of telling the man to leave though he'd already requested that the man stay longer. He didn't like feeling unsure, unsure of what exactly was happening between them, if anything could be happening at all.

Stay a little bit longer...

That's what the man asked him.

Zitao doesn't know how he should answer the author's question. He is so damn torn at this point. Of course, he wants to stay. That's not even the issue here. What's important is that he stays for all the right reasons and quite frankly, Zitao doesn't quite know exactly what those reasons are. He didn't want the author thinking perhaps he'd taken pity on him. Listening to his traumatic story and wanting to be something to him that maybe he could never be. Zitao wasn't thinking along those lines, well, initially he hadn't.

What could he do?

"Can you stay a little bit longer?"

How else would he answer that without seeming like some sort of sexual deviant. It was taking the sheer determination and utmost grit to not just rip the man's clothes off and offer himself to him. He'd never been so sexually frustrated in his short life and he'd never once wanted to be taken in such a way now that he was so close to Kris. He never fancied himself being on the receiving end of sexual intercourse, but looking at Kris he could ascertain that the man was most certainly the giving type. He was manlier that Zitao, though the skinnier man was quite muscular. His mind went to dark places and envisioned erotic happenings and he managed a quick peek at his crotch, thanking his lucky stars that he wasn't sprouting a hard dick already. He could only imagine how embarrassing it would be to sport a tent inside his pants at the mere sight of the beautiful author next to him. He was still wrapping his mind around the whole unspoken context of them somehow ending up in the bed together.

It was nice though.

Zitao could see himself doing this everyday.

Unbeknownst to him, Kris was thinking the same exact thing.

He was thinking things, things that perhaps he shouldn't have considering how much of an annoyance the delivery man was in the beginning. He seemed to have made a valiant effort in keeping his mouth shut, not sprouting such informalities. It made Kris happy.

He was being selfish, he reasoned, thinking it unfair to keep the man inside his apartment. He rationalized that while he was truly trying to make some sort of effort in maintaining this burgeoning friendship, the delivery man wouldn't want to be "kept." He wasn't the one living in fear. It wasn't right. His burdens were his own. He shouldn't have put that out there for him. He didn't need that heartache already and they'd not even formalize whatever it was they were doing.

He didn't even know.

There was something frightening happening, but not in a scary sort of way.

Both men were treading carefully, not sure how to broach the subject.

Zitao, seemingly more eager, took the initiative and took Kris's rather large hand in his, causing the author to widen his eyes upon feeling the heated touch.

"Uh, Kris, I am not sure what's happening with us. I was sure you didn't even like me, throwing me out like that, but I'm just going to say it. I like you. I really like you. You don't even know what's going through my head right now. I'm confused. I'm happy. I'm hesitant to say anymore because I don't want you to throw me out again."

Kris's mind was going a mile a minute, absorbing this confession. His eyes landed on the plump lips spouting those earnest feelings and the heat surging through him as Zitao held his hand, it was giving him butterflies. They were like teenagers enduring a blossoming romance. It was the cutest thing. Kris was a grown man and he'd never encountered these feelings before. He admitted, he rather quite liked it. He was afraid though. Afraid of Zitao seeing him, seeing him for who he really was. He remembers, just recently of Zitao kissing his facial scar and that frightened him. He didn't want to like it but those feelings were all encompassing and revealing himself further to Zitao scared him. What would the man think if he opened his shirt? Would he run? Kris's mind was running rampant with these thoughts and he was scared of the outcome. He knew he shouldn't just assume that the man would leave. He seemed genuinely concerned and outright upset when Kris divulged his sad tale.

But what happens now?

He knows he's already spilled enough.

He couldn't stop the fluttering in his stomach. It just wasn't going to go away. He lifted his eyes to see the one staring back at him. His eyes blinked a thousand times and he was still there, holding his hand. Zitao was the brave one, inching closer and closer until he was a breath away, hearing Kris's heart pounding in his chest. He closed his eyes, tighter, the feelings engulfing him and threatening to take him down. Zitao wrapped his arm around Kris's waist, aligning himself against the author and Kris could only gasp. He felt himself surrendering to the lips that fully planted themselves on his own. It was a kiss unlike anything he'd ever felt. Explosions were going off all around him and his breath expelled into Zitao's. Whispered words were passing along like the wind in the night as a lone tear escaped from his eye. "I will stay a little longer, Kris. I won't hurt you, let me love you."