Addicted To A Memory

Chapter 17

Natalie's POV

It's been a week since I started working in Chase's hospital. To say hectic, is the understatement of the year.

And now, tomorrow evening, I'll be starting my night shift. This is so depressing.

I stand in the front of the mirror. My bruises are no longer present in my porcelain skin. My waist-length hair is more shiny and healthy-looking. I gained more weight. I think it is a good sign that I am recovering a bit.

I stare in my eyes and see sadness swirling. I guess physical can recover that easily, but the emotional and mental cannot.

I still have some nightmares that keeps me awake at night.

Memories of my mother cannot be easily forgotten by me. She lives in me. And forever I will carry the burden of my mother's death, because it is my fault she is dead.

Bitterness is all my mouth can taste. I thought after I escaped Robert, everything would go back to where it seems.

I thought after all of this pain, Chase would throw his arms around me and we will be back together.

And it was so dumb of me to believe that.
Chase is always giving me a cold shoulder. At first, I thought he only acted like an employer to me, giving me a professional act.

But yesterday, I could almost some steam for his ears when I bumped to him. I was so scared. He reminded me of Robert so I dashed out of the kitchen and ran to my room. I curled myself and rocked myself back and forth just to calm myself down.

Chase's ocean blue eyes are now dull, icy cold eyes. He's not the Chase I used to call Big boar. He's not the boy I met in November night at the playground.
That Chase is long gone and he only lives in my memory.

Maybe it's me who can't let go of the past. Maybe it's me who still hold on to the past, hoping for a chance to repeat it over and over again.

He already let go, but I am still holding on to him.

And it's so pathetic.

I leaned my head in the wall of my small room and let myself drown in million drop of tears for the man I lost.

But what is the point of my pouring emotion when he's already gone? He already moved on.

I plugged the new phone that I bought to my speaker and played Don't You Remember by Adele and let myself drown in the sorrowful melody of the song that completely matches my emotions.

When was the last time you though of me? Or have you completely errased me from your memory?

I often think about where I went wrong. The more I do, the less I know.

The lyrics in the song hit me like a brick falling in the sky that hit my head and knocked my out of my senses.

There is no definite reason to cry for him.

I curled myself in my bed and let my heart pour everything that is left in my heart.

This is the last time I am going to cry for Chase Lanister.