Brother

Safe

Back to Jacobson!
I know this song is about a girl. Still helped me write this.

My parents are so happy. Jack is home. When my parents are around he puts on a face. A happy one. When they are gone, he's as bad as he was before we left. He doesn't talk to me.

Nothing feels right anymore.

It shouldn't be this easy to when a war we have been fighting for 27 years. I feel like I am just waiting for something to happen. Anything. I'm waiting for The Civils to come back up. They wouldn't give up so soon. Fighters don't give up so easy, they never will.
It's been a week since the girl was shoved into a prison for my food. I try not to think about her. Some how she crawls back into my brain. I don't want to think about her, or see her face. But when I close my eyes, she's there.
I can barley sleep because she haunts my dreams. She cries in my head. Over and over again. And I can't do anything but watch her.
The days are the same as before, but louder. More carefree. Now we are free of a war that so many of our brothers died in. Why wouldn't they celebrate. Almost every night now the Regrime has let everyone stay after cerfew. Only about an hour or so after. Jack goes out every night, too. I don't know where. I haven't seen Ivory, so I doubt it's with her.
Because I can't sleep anymore, I usually end up watching Jack sleep. He doesn't sleep for long when he comes home. He wakes himself up by screaming. The first few nights this happened, mom and dad came in and assured him it was okay. Everything was fine, he was good.
Now they don't come. Can't baby their boy anymore.
His screams scare me. I've never heard him scream like he does at night. Never. It sounds inhuman.
I feel bad to pretend that I don't hear him at night. Yet if I tried to aid him, I wouldn't be able to. Not actually help him.
When he screams he jumps out of bed and onto the floor. He grabs his head and cries. Then he falls asleep on the cold ground. This has become a cycle for him, and for me. He plays the actions while I watch in silence.
He acts as if the nightmares never happened. I imagine too.
Jack is on the floor now, asleep. He's cried himself to sleep once again. The house is silent now that he has calmed down. I lay on the bed stiffly, listening to the wind whisper it's secrets to the house. It's cold in here and smells of dust. For the weeks we were out, our room was not touched. Everything remained in the same spot, set in stone.

I'm thankful Jack has stopped crying. I close my eyes and allow myself to relax. My head wanders off to the girl and her mother. Just like that, I'm asleep.

I awake with a gasp for air and sweat built on my forehead.
I'm alarmed and panicked. It's still night. Jack is still on the floor. I stand up and take deep breaths.
You're okay, everything is alright.
The ground gives a faint shake. I hear screaming. They are faint too. Far away. The world lights up outside of the window. I move towards the window.
I can only see smoke, and within the mist I see flames.
I freak out.
"Jack, get up!" I run over to him, grabbing his shirt and lifting him off the ground. He groans in protest.
"Jack. Listen," I grab his head to make him look at me. He opens his eyes, looking at me with confusion. "I need you to go and wake up mom and dad. You need to find a shelter away from here. Go as far as you can." I push him out of our room and run down the hall. My feet pound against the floor as I sprint to the front door.

My heart is beating rapidly in my chest. I'm afraid they have attacked. I'm afraid we will die.
Houses are on fire in the distance. We don't have any time. The ground vibrates as another bomb is dropped.
They're getting closer.
An ear piercing whistle whips through the air and before I know it, I'm flying. I'm thrown to the ground. So hard the air is knocked out of my lungs. I land awkwardly and with pain. I gasp for air and inhale smoke instead.
I can't see anything. Not where I am, where I was or even my own body. I don't realize, but I'm screaming. Yet I can't hear anything but ringing.
Something lands on me. It burns hot. I kick and move so it'll get off of me. But it doesn't. It clings on for it's life, crawling up my body. From my legs to my back. The pain is so much that I see red. It feels like it's eating my skin.
Flames. It's fire.
I roll and pat my body. My hands sting.
The ringing sound finally quits. Buildings crashing and people's screams invade my ears. I am barley able to see now. My head pounds with pain, as if someone were punching it in rhythm to my heart beat. I can see below my feet is what fell on me. A tree branch. It's still burning with hot coals. The clothes from my left leg, back and a bit of my left arm are gone. The skin underneath does not exist. My flesh is red and pulsing with blood. The only thing I can smell is my burning flesh. I let out a scream of agony. It doesn't sound like me. It's the scream of death.
Ashes float down from the heavens and lie on the ground with me. In no time my wounds are covered in the ashes of people and their houses. It makes it hurt worse. Tears blur my vision.
I bite my lip and begin to crawl through the debree. Every time I stretch my limbs, I can feel myself lose more blood. I'm unable to breathe. The smoke and ash-infested air come into my lungs. I cough but it doesn't help. The smoke stings my eyes too. I bite harder on my lip. I can taste blood.
I stand up, feeling dizzy. I stay still and wait for my head to stop swimming. I rest my hands on my knees.
You can make it.
I begin to walk in the direction I believe our house is. I scream Jack but when I get halfway through his name my voice quits. I gag, throwing up ashes. My headache multiplies and I start to see black spots in my vision.
Another bomb drops with another shake. Not near me, but over to my right. I watch as the ground and everything around it get swallowed by flames. Smoke comes up in a cloud, ashes fly like birds.
I hear a familiar scream. My heart drops from my chest and onto the ground.
I know that scream. I've heard it every night for the past week.
I push through the pain and run as fast as I can to jack. I jump over bodies and ruins.
In the distance I see him. He is lying on the ground, not moving.
I feel a not in my throat start to form.
He's already gone. He's dead, I think while sprinting to him.
I'm out of breath. I can feel the blood seeping through my wounds. But I ignore the pain, the sirens going off in my head. The only thing that matters is my brother. And I've found him.
I make it to him.
His eyes are open, staring at the sky. Tears linger in them. He is covered in ashes. His brown hair looks gray as if age sped up on him. Blood is running down his face. I stand near him, but I don't come close. I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I come closer, he'll be dead.
I search his chest from afar, watching it to see if it's moving.
It is. I can tell. His clothes move ever so slightly. I feel like crying. I'm so relived. I crouch down to him, on my knees. I grab his face, his hands, his body. I'm so happy he is okay.
I crack a smile at him.
"Come Jack. We've got to go. Where did you tell mom and dad to go?" He looks confused, hurt and scared. His lips are stained with blood and moving. He shakes his head, tears falling from his eyes. I lean closer to him to hear him.
"I- I couldn't save them, Jacobson. They're gone. I'm so sorry." His voice cracks and he shakes his head more. "How?" I whisper at him. He blinks at me. His tears roll down his cheeks and mix into the blood. He says nothing and stares.
"How, Jack?" I say louder, more forcefully. Tears run down his cheeks. He opens up his mouth, then closes it. Lost for words.
"How, Jack?!" I scream at him, squeezing his hand.
"I didn't... I never meant to. I thought- I don't know what I thought. Maybe if I... I- I," Finally he stops and looks up at me.  He shakes his head more, and more.
"Please forgive me Brother." I watch his mouth as he talks. His teeth are red from his blood, his lips are cracked and in the cracks is dried blood. His lips are losing color. Other than the blood, they are pale.
"Please..." He begs, grabbing ahold of my hand. His fingers shake, digging into my skin.
"Where are they, Jack?" I whisper at him, looking down at our hands. Both are dirty. Ashes, blood and dirt lie upon them, acting as a second skin.
He says ,"In the house still. I didn't understand what you were saying, so I ran after you." I can hear the sadness in his voice. It drags his voice down, making him talk slower. He's forcing the words out of his mouth, despite his pain.
I look behind me. I see houses burning down, crashing into the ground.
They are gone.
My stomach flips, and my throat has a hitch.
"Come on, get up." I say again. I let go of his hand, wiping mine on my pants.
"We have to leave before it's too late, Jacky." I start to stand up, holding out my hand.
"I c-can't." He shakes his head forcefully, and his hand goes to his stomach.
"I will carry you if you can't walk." I say gingerly, watching him shake physically all over.
"You know what's funny, Jacob? You never know when you're gonna die. There are no signs, n-no warnings. There is nothing but you and your mortality. And when you least expect it, death comes to strangle you." He says. He moves his shirt to show me what's underneath. I couldn't see it before because he was wearing the Regrimes' jacket. But I can tell it soaked up blood by the way it gleams in the fires light.
Jack let's out a shaky breath.
I glance down at his stomach. The wound is almost bigger than his hand. Blood is rushing out of it relenessly.
I'm in shock, gazing at the blood as it seeps on the ground. Into the ashes.
"It's bad, isn't it?" He laughs and coughs up blood. Then he grins, a depressing grin. His blood making his teeth stained red. He then relaxes his hand. He stops smiling and looks at the sky.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save them." He says.
I shake my head forcefully no. I swallow hard. Tears blur my vision, Jack becomes blobs of black and gray and white.
"NO. NO. NO. NO! Jack we have to move. We have to get out of here!" I scream at him, panicking.
Jack slowly and gingerly nods his head, "You have to get out of here." I say no over and over again and reach out to him. He puts a hand on my arm, making me stop.
"I'm already gone, Jacob. Can't you tell?" He smiles sadly, his grey eyes watching me.
"No. Stop talking like that, Jack! You can't leave me alone! You aren't allowed to!" I cry.
He begins to close his eyes.
"Stay with me Jack! Don't go, don't leave." I grab his bloody face. He opens his eyes and whispers, "I'm tired, let me sleep."
"Jacky we both gotta get out of here before we both die." I ignore what he says, I then grab his hand. He is now covered in blood. His hand falls limp of out mine.
"Jack?" My gaze goes back to his face. His eyes are hollow, his jaw slack. He stares at nothing, looking through me. And this terrifies me more than anything. He is gone. I watched him leave with my own eyes and I still can't believe it.
Jack, my brother, my family, my friend, a small part of my life. Gone forever.
The pain of losing him hurts so much. So much more than the fire. So much more than anything I've ever felt. I've never felt anything like it.
It feels like he kicked my chest out, causing a great pain in my heart. He kicked my lungs out too, leaving me breathless without him. And my brains, my backbone. I am nothing without him.
"No. No. No. No! NO!" I reach underneath him to pick him up. My body pulses with pain. I grit my teeth and fall to the ground in failure. I scream until I'm out of oxygen, shaking. The veins pop out of my neck and I can feel my face become red.
"Jack you weren't allowed to leave me..." I lean to him and put my head on his chest. I see the Regrime patch. I grab it and rip it from his chest. This is what he died for. A war. A war that we'll never win. A war that we don't want to fight. I clutch it in my hands as I stare at his lifeless body. I close his eyes with my fingers, leaving two red marks on his eye lids. Either mine or his blood.
"Jacky..." I cradle his body with my arms.
Jack is gone. He took a piece of me that I can never get back.