Pain of Discovery (BoyxBoy) [The Pain series Book 1]

Crossroads

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we will shortly begin our descent into Koh Samui, the captain has switched on the seat-belt signs. So we would kindly ask that you to return to your seats and ensure that your seat-belt is securely fastened while the cabin crew prepares the cabin for landing...”

My eyes flickered open reluctantly as the stewardess continued her safety speech over the jet's PA system. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep for, but I was thankful that I at least didn't succumb to the usual clutch of crippling nightmares that generally resulted in me screaming myself back into wakefulness with a vicious jolt.

“Morning sleepy,” the familiar voice jested to my left. “Almost in paradise – are you excited?”

I drowsily rolled my head to face Aki and gave him a tired yet loving smile. “Can't wait,” I managed to croak, as my eyes lazily closed once again.

My heart thumped against my ribcage as the pillow bounced off my head, and I shot an indignant glare in Aki's direction. My attacker flashed his trademark cheeky grin and winked one of his sparkling eyes in my direction, so I found it completely impossible to keep up the angry act for long. Every single day since Aki had been released from hospital, all those little things that might seem trivial to outsiders – a smile, or a caring word – had re-affirmed my feelings for the boy that had flipped my world upside down. And as Aki had slowly regained his strength, both physically and mentally, I had found it impossible to stop myself from falling even further in love with him.

“Love you Jay-Jay,” Aki gushed, scrunching his nose and snuggling into my shoulder.

I smiled and sighed contentedly. “You too, Aki-san,” I mumbled, turning my head to kiss my boyfriend's forehead and breathe in the scent of his coconut shampoo. I found it hard to remember a single time when I'd felt happier or more content than I did right at that moment – in fact, I was sure that I'd never been here before.

The warm feelings of happiness and fulfilment that grew stronger inside me with each passing day were slowly dissolving the pain and guilt that I had felt when I had abandoned my old life. It was almost three months ago that I found himself caught in an emotional stand-off between staying by my sick lover's side as he fought to stay alive and continuing my tumultuous adventure on tour with Little Mix and the colleague who I loved but who could, it seemed, only manage to cause me pain and anguish.

On the day that Zak & Guy had walked defeated down that hospital corridor never to be seen again, a little piece of my heart had been torn away and taken with them. The emptiness that remained was a dark and vacuous void that had rendered me almost useless for weeks on end. The steps that led to the rooftop terrace of the apartment block where I had rented a poky studio room to be as close to Aki's hospital bed as possible had quickly become more and more inviting, and I had found myself climbing them on more than one occasion with a choking rage in my chest that was convincing me that his life had become far too destructive for me to carry on.

Thankfully, all of that changed one stormy Saturday. Awaking from a typical fitful doze with my head resting on Aki's hand, I prized open my weary eyes to find the striking emerald jewels I had always dreamed of seeing again glistening back at me.

“Aki-san?!” I had burbled deliriously as I struggled to clamber to my feet and embrace his face. “Aki-san! Y...you're awake!” I gasped, pressing my forehead against Aki's as the tears of relief that I had feared I may never have the chance to release from the reservoirs inside my heart flowed freely from my tired eyes.

“Jason,” Aki croaked, his vocal chords still clearly rusty from weeks of inactivity. “Oh Jason, y...you came back!” he said, lifting his head only slightly from the pillow that had supported it for so long until his lips met mine in a soft, quivering clench that lingered for what seemed like an eternity.