The Ust Files Rejects

Rght Place, Wrong Time

From January 2012 to September 2014, naging girlfriend ko siya. We went to high school together, applied to the same college and course together. We started our first year college, knowing we'll graduate together, and finally, get married someday.

Until that one incident, that one fateful night when she died of a car accident, along with her mom. I was devastated. Naalala ko pa nung tumawag sa kin tatay niya, sinabi sa kin yung room na kung nasaan siya nakaadmit. Her mom didn't make it, but the doctors managed to keep her alive. Naalala ko nung nilapitan ko siya at tumutulo na luha ko; puro bandages ulo at katawan at sobrang putla niya. It's bad. Really, really bad.

Her: Babe... let's face it, bilang na oras ko. Mag-move on ka, ah? Pag may nakahanap kang iba... ok lang. Deserve mong...sumaya. I want you to live out your life... even though I won't be a part of it... promise me, okay?

Me: Okay.

Her: Mahal kita.

Me: I know. Everyday mong sinasabi at everyday kong nararamdaman. Thank you sa lahat.

The next day, she was brain-dead. Narinig ko yung doctors, parang daw ready na siyang umalis. As if nagawa na niya yung dapat niyang gawin and she's ready to move on. Nagpasya ang dad niya na i-cut off na ang life support. I respected his decision, pero sobrang sakit palang iwanan ka ng mahal mo sa buhay. Yung tipong tatawagan mo pa number niya, expecting her to answer. Sawang-sawa ka na din na mag-fb kasi dinudumog ang messages mo ng condolence (even more so sa tatay niya.)

A part of me died along with her.

However, I refuse to let this get the better of me. Ayaw niyang nakamukmok lang ako sa tabi, iyak ng iyak kasi wala na siya (although I did that for a while). Kailangan tuloy pa din, kahit na masakit. I did my best at college so I can pursue my dreams of being a doctor. That's what she would've wanted.

Pero may isa akong promise na di ko matupad. Hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin siya makalimutan. Last sem, I met this cute na archi girl. Customer siya sa part time job ko, and coincidentally we met at ust after my shift. Ang sarap niyang kausap, honest siya pero hindi nakakainis na prangka, madaldal and has a great sense of humor. After about several months, calling, and hanging out, napapansin ko nang may gusto siya sa kin pero ayoko lang maging feelingero kaya hinayaan ko lang. Hanggang nung December 24, a few minutes before midnight, nagtext siya sa kin:

Her: Hey Mark, Merry Christmas! Since pasko naman, I just wanna confess something: I really like you. I know it's not very traditional, na babae gagawa ng first move, pero di ko mapigilan eh. I really, really like you.

Me: I'm sorry, Grace. Alam mo yung past ko, what happened back then, and honestly, if things were different, niligawan na kita dati pa. I'm sure na marami pang iba dyan, somebody better than me. A very pretty and nice person like you... you'll probably attract a lot of good suitors. Be with one of them, please. Just not me.

Her: Oh... I see.

Hanggang ngayon wala kaming contact. I guess nasaktan siya sa mga sinabi ko, and she has every right to. Alam kong isa akong malaking tanga; I turned a perfect woman down. Pero wala eh. Siya pa din eh. Kahit na mahigit isang taon nang wala ang ex ko, parang kahapon lang yung sakit. Kumikirot pa din siya kahit na hindi na dapat. I guess... I still can't let go of my past.

I'm sorry, Grace. I met you at the right place, but wrong time.

Permanent MARKer

2018

College of Rehabilitation Sciences