Day-Springs here with another one-shot, this time the one-shot takes place on Cybertron, or more specifically, in a therapist's office! I decided to use a different format this time, so, enjoy!
..........
The Therapist's Office (DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!)-
The therapist fixes her reading glass.
Therapist: Hmmmm. It seems practically all of the Decepticon armanda have to come to see me. Well, bring 'em in!
*cue Megatron, Starscream, Rumble, Soundwave, Lazerbeak, Thundercracker entering the office*
Therapist: Make yourself comfortable. Now, what brings you all here today?
Megatron: We all are here because we have a problem with binge drinking. After I had acquired the Heart of Cybertron, or whatever it was, in the episode entitled 'Microbots', my men and I decided to celebrate with a round of energon.
Therapist: Even the one with the 'play' button on his...area? *Megatron nods* How? He doesn't even have a mouth!
Megatron: *sighs* Indeed, Soundwave is many things, mysterious, sadistic, malevolent, and mouthless fits right in.
Soundwave: Fact; I do have a mouth, in the IDW (or was it Marvel?) comics-
All: SHUT UP!
Starscream: If I were leader-
Megatron: Starscream, you fool!
Therapist: *sighs, shaking her head* If you are just going to argue, then can you at least wait until I'm finished with Generation 2 Megatron's monthly session?
Rumble: Just tell him that when the Autobutts an' Decepticons are fighting in an eggplant field, that he'll be well-suited to the environment or whatever...
Thundercracker: Wow, I never knew you had such a wide range of vocabulary, Rumble.
Rumble: *sigh*
Therapist: Now, before this gets out of hand, what led you all to decide to stop fighting the always victorious Autobots and go on a drinking spree? Let's start with...Frenzy...er, Rumble!
Rumble: *glares* Well, I have Napoleon Complex coupled with a bit of depression. I mean, everyone keeps mixing my up with my bro and having a literal computer for a dad isn't helping! I mean, it's always, "Rumble; eject!", or "Rumble: Activate pile drivers!", never "Rumble, I love you son!". Pit, I think he loves Ravage more than me! I-I just want some love, man!
Therapist: *shocked* Well, um...That's deep! Now, Thundercracker! Why did you go on a drinking spree?
Thundercracker: Well, I think it might be traced back to when I was but an innocent seekerlet. My Creators were in the Middle Caste and worked very hard to support me. One day, my Sire, who was a military general of the Royal Seeker Armanda...He-He didn't come back...Pretty soon, my femme Creator began to beat me and...and...*starts crying*
Therapist: *stares awkwardly at Soundwave* Okay, Soundwave, why did you drink?
Soundwave: *bows helm* Answer; Nightshade...
Therapist: Okay......Just because of Nightshade, huh? Not because you don't have a femme to get cuddly with, not because you're a single father? Not because some of your own cassettes think you are their enemy, like Flip-Sides?
Soundwave: Affirmative. Nightshade; is the source of Soundwave's problems.
Therapist: Hmmm. Interesting. Next is Megatron.
Megatron: That is Lord Megatron to you, puny worm!
Therapist: *rolls her optics* Alright then, Lord Megatron, why did you start drinking?
Megatron: That stupid leader, Optimus Prime! I mean, whenever I kill him, he always comes back! It is very tiring. Yet, whenever I'm killed, I am never revived! It is not just! Optimus Prime claims he fights for freedom from oppression, but in my optics, I see him as a murderous, energon-thirsty...
Therapist: I don't want your entire life story, buddy! Now, since you appear to have many, many, MANY issues, how about you go next, Starscream?
Starscream: *stands up, his wings knock over Rumble, who growls but uncharacteristically does nothing* Finally! I started drinking because....because...as the future Leader of the Decepticons, I wanted to-
Therapist: *shakes her head and adjusts her glassess* Starscream, we spoke about this unhealthy pursuit on Thursday, remember? This is the exact reason there are so many yaoi fanfictions circling around the inerwebs. Although I must admit that some of them are very interesting...Okay, the next bot on my list is...Lazerbeak.
Soundwave: *pats Lazerbeak's helm*
Therapist: The bird got drunk and wasted too?! How in the name of the Allspark did you accomplish such a feat?!
Rumble: *shrugs*
Therapist: Alright, Lazerbeak, why did you get drunk?
Lazerbeak: Squaw!
Therapist: Uh?
Rumble: Lazerbeak said that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
Therapist: Is that it?
Lazerbeak: Squawk!
Rumble: Lazerbeak said that everyone was overjoyed at finally ending this Primus - forsaken war, so-
Therapist: That's all I will be needing from you. Everyone may leave, except for Rumble, I have to give him a prescription for his depression.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Therapist pulled a zipper down and revealed herself to be...
Rumble: SOLARSTORM?! I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF YOU IN L.A!
Solarstorm: *smirks* Ever noticed how 'the' and 'rapist' is how you spell 'therapist'? *Applies lip-stick* Now, pucker-up!
