LIFE LESSONS

BULLYING - YOU ARE THE CAUSE

I don't write fiction. I do have several fictional 'stories' I have begun that sit in various stages of completion. Largely, I talk about my life, things I observe, things that bother me... The other day I put up a rather vague piece about online bullying. This led to a discussion, as it usually does with my works. Real life 'stories' tend to attract responses, as people identify with, or want to contribute their views and their experiences. For me, it justifies whatever personal emotional upheaval the writing caused, because if I have helped even a single person, then it serves to soothe me also - see - there is a give and take here. 

I was a victim of online bullying. I left this out of my memoir, as it is still pretty raw, and even now, starting this, I am getting those lingering feelings back: The pain, the humiliation, the deep wounds still somehow oozing, the helplessness, the injustice, the unfairness, the effect on my children...

I won't go into the details of the story. The world being what it is there could well be someone on here, who took part in the systematic destruction of my name, my reputation and my standing in the community. See, even here, I must take steps to protect myself and not allow the insidiousness to invade and to continue. The world has become much smaller than we can fathom.

'They' stopped at nothing; every day I would wake up to another thread, where I was accused of being anything from a cult-leader, a paedophile, a fraud, a criminal. They focussed on me in particular because I was - or rather my family was - the most prominent, again, for reasons I cannot go into here.

For months, we were subjected to allegation after false allegation. It got to the point where none of us could walk down the street without been stared at and whispered about. Then one day I received a private message from a young girl now living in another State. She'd moved there, after attenpting to commit suicide following a similar campaign against her, instigatedby this same group. She was afraid for me and the boys and advised we move, as there was no stopping this posse... there'd been other victims.

We've since left the area, for unrelated reasons, but I did hear they'd indeed moved on to another victim... and that it did not end well for them on this occasion?

Okay, that's the 'story'. Now for the rest of it.

Did I engage? Yes, in the beginning. One's natural instinct is to protect one's self and one's loved ones. So I did, trying to 'prove' the lies and discredit the allegations/accusations. I mean I had not done anything wrong, so I had what you'd call truth on my side? I steadfastly relied on this truth, and on common sense prevailing. Sadly, truth matters little in these situations, as does any sense.

I was advised to not engage (feed the trolls) by both the police and my lawyer. So accepting this advice, I stopped. This did not stop them however, as the focus shifted to 'baiting me', expounding even more lies and vengefulness in order to get me 'back out there', defending myself. My refusal to take part/dispute further only fuelled the situation, as the 'blood supply' had been cut, and they were not yet satisfied, needing more 'blood' from me. No other victim in sight to shift their focus away from me either, so the bullying continued unrelenting.

Were there repercussions?  Sure.The boys were affected rather badly. They were shunned and teased in turn by their peers. It cost us all friendships. It caused my business to fail. I lost a significant amount of money - let alone losing something both I and the boys loved.

Was I responsible for being bullied?  Here's the thing, and I am now in total agreement with Dylan on this: His theory is that the minute we involve ourselves/partake in Social Media, it is only a matter of time before we say/do something which will invoke bullying. WE invite bullying, simply by being there. It took me a while to wrap my head around his point of view, but damn if this kid's not right!