LIFE LESSONS

STOP AND... THINK

Seriously. When did thinking become 'unproductive'?

I probably on average spend more time thinking than I do anything else. I mean you can think anywhere, anytime, it doesn't require any 'special' conditions. I could be untangling Markie's hair and thinking. Reading a book and thinking. Lying on my bed and thinking. Sitting clacking keys and thinking. Staring blankly into space... and thinking.

I've noticed something peculiar: I get odd, suspicious looks. When I am thinking and not doing anything else.

"What are you doing, mum?"

"Thinking..."

"Oh okay."

(That be from either of my two sons who know to quietly back away and let me carry on- because to disrupt my thoughts for yet another YouTube vid... sometimes I am not amused? )

They understand though. The need for me to think. They get that mum thinks- It's her thing.

YET:

"You're always in your room, I don't know what you do in there but-"

"You have time to sit around and stare into space but no time to do-"

"Yes now! It's not like you're doing anything-"

"Are you free tonight or are you doing something-"

"What could you possibly be doing that's more important than-"

I AM FUCKING THINKING! Leave me alone, all of you!

I AM doing something! Something extremely important to me.

Only, it's in my head, and YOU can't get in there! You can't 'see' my thinking! (Unless of course you're on here and privy to any subject matter that amuses/interests me on any given day- oft the result of all this thinking...)

So I appear... unproductive. Like... I should be doing something. Anything?

Pick up a book, I'm reading. Pick up a pen, I'm writing. Pick up a broom, I'm sweeping. Watch a movie or a TV show, I'm relaxing. (Perfectly acceptable.) Pick up anything in my hands (even if it's a TV remote and... I am doing something.) I look busy.

Stare into space and allow my thoughts to wander here or there... and I'm "wasting time." Else inattentive. Else, unable to focus. (Bring on the meds, we have to get her moving and productive again!)

Seriously?

Made me 'think': Have I (and others like me) become a peculiarity? I try and bring up an image where... I last saw someone 'deep in thought'. Nope. Nada. I get nothing.

Yet they must! We ALL think; we couldn't fully function as 'humans' if we couldn't access our mental process. It's called being 'brain-dead' and it is one of the most devastating things you will ever hear: "I am sorry, there's just no brain activity. It's time to say your goodbyes and... switch off the life support." I've heard it and seen the body of a good friend- minus their brain function. It still terrifies me, to this day.

So what's the bloody problem? Why the above questions? Why can't one think without feeling as though a pariah- else... not quite 'normal'?

Must one always appear busy doing something- in order not to be... disturbed - in every sense? Must thinking be multi-tasked- else hidden behind some other, more 'productive' activity?

Is it fear-based, this notion and subsequent declaration that one simply "has no time to think" these days? Are we collectively afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Why is 'thinking' associated with fear in the first place?