Ominous

E I G H T

Matt

I stare out the window as we speed down the road, sirens blaring as loud as they can and lights flashing rapidly.

I hope everything goes well.

I have never been so nervous before.

Even before our first date, I was more calm than this. Even with my teenage self wanting everything to be perfect for her. This is by far the most nerve wracking thing I have ever had to go through.

But I am excited to see her. I can finally propose and tell her how much she means to me. It will be perfect.

But I am also extremely worried about the outcome after she is free.

Will her anxiety be worse now? Because her worst fears were confirmed? The voices in her head were correct this time. Will she never trust me again because I let this happen to her? Will she hate me forever because I was late to come home and this happened while I was gone? There are endless possibilities of what could happen when Annie is freed and back in my arms.

I hope she is okay.

I hold the ring box in my hand as tightly as I can, not wanting to lose it if we go over a bump or make a sharp turn. I am going to propose as soon as I see her.

I reach in to my pocket and pull a tiny pill capsule out. The medics will probably give her a healthy dosage of medication. But just in case, I want to be prepared for everything. I always carry her medications in my pocket.

One never knows when their significant other or someone they care about will have an anxiety attack.

Sometimes the simplest of things can trigger an episode.

One time, Annie and I were walking through the streets of New York City when a bird flew in her face. She collapsed in terror right there on the dirty sidewalk.

Back then, I didn't carry her medication on me. I just stood there hoping she would calm down.

I was embarrassed. Everyone was staring at us. She was shouting and pulling at her hair. They wanted me to do something. I didn't know what to do. Her pills were back at our apartment.

Someone ended up calling the police and Annie got the care she needed from a paramedic. It wasn't until then that I realized if I was going to commit to her, I was committing to this disease as well as her.

From that day on, I never leave the house without at least one pill in my pocket, even if I am not with her, just to be on the safe side.