Beating Heart ♔ Rey

fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

The Millennium Falcon was quite a large ship with a lot of space, yet it felt so much emptier without Rey's presence.

Hester slumped over the table, her finger absently tracing a set of small scratches. She hadn't seen much of either Han and Chewbacca as they boarded. Hester wondered if Han had seen Ben - that would explain why he was so withdrawn.

She didn't remember how she ended up back on board the Falcon. Everything from the time Rey had been taken blurred together as Hester closed herself from the world, immersed instead with her own self-hatred and grief.

I should've saved her. The thought continued to revolve in Hester's mind, as thought it was put on repeat. I should've known what Kylo Ren would have done - the mission. BB-8. Rey. I should've known. I should've saved her.

She heard footsteps approach her, saw someone sit down next to her out of the corner of her eye, yet it was like they were a galaxy apart from her. Everything nearby felt so far away.

"Hester?" The voice was muffled, like she was hearing it from underwater, though Hester recognised its speaker at once. Lifting her head, she was met with the dark, concerned eyes of Finn.

She mustered a small smile. "Finn," she greeted in a murmur. She tried to remain smiling, though it didn't last for much more than a few seconds, and it slid off her face once again.

At once, Finn edged closer to her, his hand resting on top of one of her own. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

Hester was relieved he didn't ask the typical, are you okay? How are you? The question would have involved a lie on her part, but this way, there was no way she could. It reassured her, too - she wasn't the only one going through such pain. Finn knew. Finn understood. Finn was there, her good friend, who had been there since they escaped the First Order with Poe.

Hester stared at her hands, so pale against her dark robes and Finn's own. "I should have saved her," she whispered, voice cracking. "I was Kylo Ren's right-hand woman for years, and Ben's best friend before that. I knew how he operated - I should've been there beside Rey! I was the only one who stood even the slightest chance against him, and because of my mistake, Rey -"

"Hester." Finn's firm voice stopped Hester's ramble. He moved his hand so it rested on her shoulder. She couldn't help but notice how warm it was - warm and reassuring, just like Finn. "Calm down, please. It's not your fault. No one blames you in the slightest."

"But -"

"Hester Mirren, you listen to me right now," Finn insisted. His grip on her shoulders tightened. "No one blames you. You weren't to know he'd take Rey - we all thought he was after BB-8." Hester opened her mouth to continue protesting - she couldn't bring herself to not blame herself, so sure that she had failed - but Finn silenced her with a sharp look. "You're only blaming yourself like this because you care for her, and that's why you thought you could've done more."

His words caused Hester to freeze. She blinked and reflected on them. Was he right? For a second she almost laughed it off; she hadn't even known Rey for more than a day, after all, but then she thought - she did care

Hester chuckled wryly, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Is it obvious?"

Finn smiled ruefully. "You two have struck quite a bond. You trust each other, and no one who has seen you two together can deny that."

Hester laughed. Finn looked encouraged by the sound, but the expression didn't last long as he became serious once again. "You're not the only one who misses her, Hester, but it won't be like this for long. I'm going to help you get her back. I won't be able to rest peacefully again until she's safe - and I can't bear the thought of you going to get her alone. I'll have your back, no matter what we have to endure to get there."