Beating Heart ♔ Rey

twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-Two

The journey in the Falcon passed in a daze for Hester.

She spent the entirety of the time next to Finn as he lay so still in the medical bay. She stared at his limp figure and focused on the slight rise and fall of his chest, constantly assuring herself that he clung to life and that they'd receive more aid from the Resistance once they arrived back at the base.

This shouldn't have happened. Hester gripped her shirt in a vice-like grip. I should've been strong enough. I almost had him! Finn should never have had to fight against Kylo Ren.

The grief of the past hours crashed upon Hester like a tidal wave and she gritted her teeth, tears continuing to escape from her eyes. Too much had happened - it seemed almost impossible that it all should've happened at once, but it had. And she didn't know what else to do but endure.

At some point during the flight Rey came to stand at her side. They found each other's hands as they watched Finn, finding some form of reassurance in the presence of the other.

Before long they arrived back at the Resistance base. Medics rushed on board to tend to Finn as outsides, cheers and shouts erupted from the other Resistance fighters. Hester stepped back, with Rey, feeling disconnected from everything.

"Easy, easy," a medic said. "He's hurt. We've got a heartbeat."

And then Finn was being taken away from them, being handed to total strangers and they were running, Finn looking so helpless lying down and oblivious to everything. But he had a heartbeat, and he had not yet disappeared in the Force - Hester clung to that presence to remind herself her friend was still okay, he was still with them.

Finns tough, she told herself. It'll take more than that to end him. He's going to find his way back to us, I can't believe anything else.

Hester wiped her eyes once more and looked up, only to feel tears enter them once again. For standing in front of them was Leia. 

Leia. 

She was holding her head high, but Hester could see the vulnerability in her eyes - she already knew. There deep, broken sadness in her eyes was the kind that was only reserved for when you lost someone special and meant more to you than the universe.

The cheers and celebrations of the Resistance fighters sounded distant to Hester's ears, not quite real. What was real was Leia, the fact that Han was dead, that she'd watched Ben Solo die and take his father's life, and then attempt to take her own - and he had nearly taken Finn's. No one else seemed to understand just what she was grappling with, just how her heart was breaking, how torn up she was; she doubted anyone would bother themselves enough to care.

No one, except Leia and Rey.

Hester gravitated toward Leia, as did Rey. Leia smiled - a sad, broken smile. She rested a hand on both the girls' faces - it was so similar to what Han had done for his son that Hester snapped and embraced Leia, holding her tight. It was like a mother's embrace. She felt Rey's arms as well and they stood there, tears in all their eyes. They didn't speak; they understood each other too well in that instant to need words.

Then Hester detached herself from Leia's arms and walked away, her arms wrapped tight around her. She couldn't stand being in a place that was thriving on joy and happiness when she couldn't bring herself to feel any of those things, even in wake of their victory. She could only feel relief. Their losses had been too much for the victory to be truly celebrated.