T5W Parivan Oneshots

The Suicide Attempt

I looked around the room and took in the bleak, discolored walls surrounding me. The room wasn't very big but large machines of medical equipment filled the room. "Where am I?" I wondered aloud.

Seconds later a nurse rushed into the room and suddenly the memories from last night came flooding back. It almost felt like a dream but it was true, I tried to kill myself and here I was, alive.

We didn't have the best Doctors here at camp Haven, the highly qualified doctors died in the waves. But regardless, they were doctors and I was alive. Unfortunately.

It was too much, the training, the death of my parents, and just feeling alone.Before, the arrival I considered suicide as an option but I never actually did it. I wanted nothing more than to die. The only think holding me back was my parents. I cared about them too much,if I were to die, they would never be able to survive without me in the world.

"You're lucky you survived. You took a fatal gunshot wound to the head. It's a miracle that you're alive." The nurse told me

I nodded and forced a smile. Maybe they don't know that I tried to kill myself, maybe they assumed that someone shot me, I thought. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to look happy to be alive but I wasn't.

Then Ben walked into the room. I sighed, maybe he cares? I doubt it. Why would someone care about a mess like me?

"Cassie what happened to you?" He shouted, walking into the room

"Oh, well I don't really remember but I think someone shot me." I lied

"Don't lie to me Cassie, I know that you tried to kill yourself. But why?"

"I just can't take this anymore Ben! You don't know my past and you don't know what I've been through!" I shouted

I thought of James and how he raped me. He was such a loyal boyfriend, until he pushed me to do something that I didn't want to do. I refused and well, he raped me.

Ever since then I've had trust issues. I agreed to never let someone get close to me again, especially a boy. I couldn't go through that again. Sometimes I wondered if Ben would do the same to me.

"Maybe I don't know but I'm a really good listener and you can tell me anything." He said

"Never mind." I mumbled

"What would make you happy right now?" He asked, brushing a stray hair off my face

"Well it would be awesome if I had the audio book for my favorite book, since ya know, I'm too injured too read."

"What's your favorite book?"

"Breathe by Sarah Crossan."

Then the nurse came in and Ben left. She attached different tubes to my arm and ran various tests. I sighed. Why can't they just let me die, I thought.

It wasn't the circumstances that made me depressed either. No, I wasn't afraid of the Others coming out of nowhere. Vosh guaranteed our safety at Camp Haven and regardless, I wasn't afraid of the Others. Every day I relived that night and what he did to me. How he drugged me, then raped me. The nightmares kept getting worse. 

Later that night the nurse brought me dinner but I left the food untouched. I had a pounding headache and my stomach felt sick from all the different emotions running through my head. It wasn't long before the nurse came back and took away my untouched food.

That's when I realized that Ben hasn't visited me all day. Looks like he doesn't care about me just like I thought but who would? It's not like I liked Ben or anything, I guess his company was just better than silence.

I didn't know what time it was but I fell asleep with one thought in my mind, Ben.

I was half asleep-half awake when I heard the door open the next morning.

"Who is it?" I grumbled

"It's just me." The nurse mumbled. "I have your breakfast. Oh, and also there's someone that wants to see you. Shall I like him in?"

Him? I pondered. I secretly hoped it was Ben, although I knew that he wouldn't want to see me.

I just mumbled "Uh huh", before the nurse left to let in the mysterious visiter.

As quickly as she left, Ben Parish appeared at the door way, shuffling his feat nervously.

"I got you something, Cassie." He said

"Do I have to open my eyes?" I mumbled

"Nope, just listen." Then he began to read. "I squeeze Abel's hand and he looks at me. 'Now?' he asks. He puts his other hand into his pocket.'No, no. Not yet,' I whisper. Several cameras are trained right at us and there's a steward only meters away. I pull Abel close and nuzzle his neck. We aren't a couple but posing as one makes us less conspicuous.'Tell me when,' Abel says.We get to a cluster of silver birches and join the group gazing up at them. The tour guide is giving a detailed explanation of what is required to keep the trees alive in here and the tourists, mostly Premiums, are eating it up. 'It took twelve years for this particular breed to grow. Nowhere else on Earth will you find such a specimen.' I resist rolling my eyes and even pull out my pad to take a picture so I seem like a real tourist."

I immediately recognized what he was reading. It was the first chapter of my favorite book Breathe! I couldn't believe that he actually got it.

"Thank you so much Ben! But oh my word, where did you get the book?" I said to him

"I went across town and found an abandoned book store. It wasn't a big deal."

"I would hug you but I can't."

"It's ok. Me seeing you happy is enough."

He continued to read me the book day and night. He didn't care that he was wasting his time on me, he just liked to see me happy. And it did really make me happy.

One day when we were about halfway through the book I tried to talk him out of it.

"You know you don't have to waste your time. You probably have better things to do than read to me." I said to him

He didn't reply, instead he leaned down and kissed my lips. I kissed him back and for a moment I felt happy, until I was filled with regret.

"Good night Cassie." He said, leaving the room

I couldn't do it. Sure, Ben was nice but I couldn't risk it. I would rather be dead than have Ben do to me what James did. I had no other choice. 

I picked up one of the medical knives off the table and brought it up to my throat. I made a quick and deep cut, bleeding profusely. I fell to the ground and I fell dead instantly.

Suicide.

A/N *cries bc im a horrible writer. Word count: 1,145. Writing this depressing trash is making me really depressed rn, whatever. Anyways, having a guy I like reading my fave book to me is totally relationship goals. Agree? The book I mentioned in this chappie is Breath by Sarah Crossan aka one of my fave books. If you like t5w, you'll love Breathe soo pretty please consider reading it. If you're interested PM me and I'll give you the link to read it online for free because who can actually afford books?

Don't forget to vote and comment! -G