Im such an idiot, I hate myself like you have no idea. It's been 24hrs since I told Helena that I cheated on her. I'm a mess I don't know what to do, Amelia already yelled at me for like 3hrs, Michael was super pissed at me, everyone was pissed at me. May came today and almost killed me but Luke calmed her down, then she told me she wanted to talk to me, and I really need to talk with someone before I do something Crazy.
I haven't sleep thinking about her. She's just my everything and all I did was hurt her, just because a mistake... If only that night I would listened to Luke... But no since I always do what I want this are the consequences....
I'm sitting in the couch when May came and took a sit next to me " look Calum you have 20 minutes to talk because I'm the one who came to talk here, but I'm gonna let you talk and you can let it all out , you can start now."she said with a serious face.
I took a deep breath then I said " I don't care right now about that, how is her?" May laughed then she was like " she's fine Calum, she's perfectly fine she's like woah super good" great now she's getting sarcastic" Seriously how is she and stop being sarcastic" I said a little annoyed.
She looked at me angry then she said " WHY DO YOU ASK IF YOU KNOW HOW SHE IS CALUM, YOU KNOW HER, GOD, AND YOU'RE SERIOUSLY ASKING HOW SHE IS? AFTER YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU CHEATED ON HER, YOU KNOW WHAT SHES A MESS WORSE THAN YOU, AND THE THING IS THAT, SHE IS NOT TALKING SHES BEEN CRYING FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT AND GOD KNOWS WHATS SHES DOING NOW"
Luke came over May and pulled her on his lap telling her to calm down again , because she was yelling a lot, and all of this was my fault.
May took a deep breath then she said " look, Calum I don't know, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but is just that, you literally broke her she's a mess Calum, you were her first love, you were her first in everything; and maybe she forgives you, maybe not, but as I see things I know her and she won't... The decision she made yesterday hurt her... But is better cause maybe you guys maybe fix things but is not like she's gonna forget you cheated on her, you screwed up big time, and there's no coming back." She finished saying, I looked at her then I asked her "do you think she's coming to say goodbye tomorrow?"
May looked at me with a sad face " she told Amelia yesterday that she didn't wanted to see you, so she kinda sent a text to the boys saying her goodbyes and well yea....I'm sorry Calum..." She said as she left the living room.
Then Ashton came in with a bag of chips " hey, mate" I looked at him without saying anything then he said " look mate, what's done it's done we can't go to the past and change things no matter how much you want, I know Calum, you kinda hate yourself but you know if you two love each other and you two are meant to be trust me you guys will be together again" I nodded at Ashton "thanks mate, at least you didn't yell at me" Ashton laughed then he said " I leave that to Amelia" I laughed then I went to my room.
Then I started writing a letter to Helena.
*1 day later*
Helena's POV
The boys are leaving today... I feel bad for not going to the airport but I just can't see Calum for now... I'm a mini mess. I've been crying a lot like you have no idea...
I thought He was the love of my life.... I was wrong... So wrong..
Right now I'm laying on my bed thinking about everything, then I heard a knock on my door. I went and when I opened the door I found a box that said my name, I looked around but there was no one.
I took the box inside and placed on my table I took a deep breath then I opened it. I found some books and when I opened one of the books I found a letter that said:
To: Helena From: Calum
" okay so I guess that you opened the book because you're reading the letter right? So I know that you're not coming to say goodbye to us thanks me, but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I know Helena its to Late to say sorry, but baby, I'm sorry I hate myself i do a lot, if I could change things you know I would, I know Helena you're nor gonna forgive me that easily I know you're not, but at least never forgive me, I know you hate me with all your heart you probably don't wanna see me ever again, but please never forgive me. I fell in love with you, like you have no idea, I still love you so much, but it was ,my fault. I want you to know that If I could take that night I would... But I can't.... I'm leaving today, and I probably won't see you in awhile... But because of me i don't want you to lose any connection with the boys okay? Don't make them suffer if they didn't do anything. And the books well I know you wanted them for a long time I was planning to give them to you but yea you know... Anyway bye Helena, I love you, I love you, I love you. "
When I finish reading the letter I was crying...again...I didn't do anything I just said to myself
" I love you too, but you broke me"
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