Talk Me Down

//April 20, 2016//

April 20, 2016

You talked to me again, and I'm shocked to say that it's getting annoying.

You told me, like all the other times, that you love me and you want me back. That you made a dumb mistake and can't live without me. But I just stood up and walked away. Because I can't do it.

I can't let you crawl back into my life only to destroy it again. You see me, you chase me, you catch me, you have me, you get bored of me, you toss me away. Just like a fucking toy.

I'M NOT A TOY!

•••

I saw Calum today, and he sang me a song he wrote. He said he started writing it the day after we met. He finally finished it today and sang it to me while playing his guitar.

"Hold you tight straight through the daylight
I'm right here
When you gonna realize
That I'm your cure
Heartbreak boy."

That is beyond my favorite line.

We had sex afterwards. I know we're moving fast, but I really like him. I know I should wait longer, but we were just in the moment, I guess.

I kinda feel like he's using me. That he doesn't actually care. But I tell myself to shut up and that he's not like you.

He gives me goodnight and good morning texts, unlike you. He gives me nicknames, just like you did. He gives me kisses, just like you. He gives me hugs, and gifts, just like you.

I do feel like he's only using for the sex though. I know this wasn't right, but I went through his phone and saw texts between him and a girl named Avery.

The texts looked like ours. The flirting, the 'I love you's', and the good mornings and good nights. The kissy face emoji, along with the heart eyes emojis. The text between them were just like mine and his.

I also searched him up on Instagram. He told me he didn't have one and not to bother searching him up, but I did anyways.

I saw a profile that matches him and went through his photos. I saw this 'Avery' chick and he was kissing her cheek. She's pretty.

She got that blonde hair and blue eyes thing. That hourglass body everyone likes, and the tan, smooth skin.

Then there me, weird colored hair, greenish blue eyes, eyebrow piercing, and I'm not the skinniest person.

I can see why he likes her rather than me. Maybe he isn't even gay? Maybe this was all just a dare? A fucking dare.

I was a dare to you. More like a bet... but all I know is that money was involved.

You were supposed make me fall in love with you, have sex with you, then leave.

And you won. I don't know how much money you got, but I hope it was worth it.

~M.C.