Talk Me Down

//April 21, 2016//

April 21, 2016

I spilled me heart out to you, and you used it against me. The world never looked at you the same after that dumb fucking bet!

And even after you broke my heart, I'd still pick up the pieces and hand them to you.

Calum and I had sex again last night. It was great, but afterwards he said he had to go, and that he forgot he promised his friend he'd hang out with him.

Fucking liar.

I know it was wrong, but I followed him.

He went to someone's house, and it was Avery's.

He kissed her and they went inside. Through the window I watched as they made out on the couch.

I can't even begin to describe how I felt. Mainly because Avery is a family friend. She hates me, but she doesn't have a reason too.

I turned on my heel and walked to a bus station. I took the bus home.

I saw sleeping teenagers, a mom holding a sleeping baby while staring into space with tear stained cheeks, a woman wearing a wedding dress and crying into her hands, and a man who's just staring at the wall.

It makes me wonder what they've been through. I felt especially bad about the woman in the wedding dress.

I got to my stop and walked the rest home.

I need to relieve myself.

I ran upstairs into the bathroom and shut the door before locking it. My nana is asleep. I place five cuts on my wrists and stare blankly at the wall as blood soaks my pants and bathroom floor.

I think of you.

I think of Calum and how he played me, just like you. Can I trust anyone? Will I ever find love? Will I ever have a friend?

I also realize that you were right. I was a bet. Calum was using me. Just like you said.

-M.C.