Talk Me Down

//April 22, 2016//

April 22, 2016

Once again, you spoke to me. I told you about Calum and expected you to laugh and shout "I told you so!"

But you didn't.

You stared at me for a few small seconds, before hugging me.

I was shocked at first, but hugged back.

The difference between you and me is that when you wake up, your nightmare ends.

"Michael, remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect."

I stared at you with furrowed brows. "You're playing me again." It was more a statement than a question.

I saw his friends watching us from a distance, laughing and talking while watching us.

"What? No-"

"Shut up, Luke! You can't play me anymore!" I screamed drawing attention towards us. I stood up and bolted outside the school.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this anymore!

I think about Calum, my parents, my sister, and of course you. I'm always thinking of you. Why can't you leave me alone?!

It's my fault anyways.

From the beginning, from the first "hello", and the first kiss, I knew you'd only break my heart. But a part of me kept hoping you wouldn't. But you did.

YOU THREW MY HEART ON THE GROUND LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING TRASH!

And you always look at me...like you want me. You always look at me with lust in your eyes. Stop. Because we both know you don't want me, you want sex. It's always about sex.

My biggest mistake wasn't falling for you, it was thinking you fell for me too.

"Michael!"

You shouted after me as I ran from you. I guess you aren't used to people running from you, you're used to people running towards you.

"FUCK YOU LUKE!" I screaming so the whole world could hear.

Tears began to stream down my face. I couldn't control them. They began to blur my vision. I fell on my knees crying like a fucking baby.

Another mistake; crying in front of you.

"Michael..." You kneeled besides me and traced circles on my back with your index finger, slowly.

It was oddly comforting.

It took everything in me to push your hand away. You stared at me in shock, and it was hard to miss the hurt in your blue eyes.

Your eyes were laced in poison, and all I wanted to do was get lost in them.

I hate that I love you after all the times you've hurt me.

I cry harder. "It's okay, Mike." You mumbled. "I hate you." I whisper. You freeze...

"What?"

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and look up at you. I forget my insecurities and look at you.

"I HATE YOU!"

Your eyes got glossy, and I didn't feel one but of shame. It felt good that you finally understood how I felt that day.

You stood up and walked away without a word. I wiped away my tears and watched you.

You walked away slowly and hurt. Lost in thought.