Talk Me Down

//April 17, 2016//

April 17, 2016

"You're such a fag." You said pushing past me. I felt another small piece of my heart break off. I looked over my shoulder and watched as you walked away without so much as a glance.

I sit in the back of my class writing in my journal again. It's so stupid. What kind of a teenage boy uses a journal?

I do.

A pair of hands slam on my desk and jump in fear as I look up and see Luke fucking Hemmings. Aka: The boy who stole my heart and broke it.

"You're such a piece of shit, Mike. Seriously? A fucking diary?!" You shouted at me. You've never shouted at me until that moment. It was always usually a scoff, or a mumble, sometimes a whisper. But never a shout.

I felt a small piece of my heart break again as I stared into your beautiful ocean blue orbs. The eyes I once looked into, they were full of care. Now, they're full of pure anger and hatred. Your lip ring, oh god. I can still remember the feel of that lip ring against my lips. The shivers that were sent down my spine whenever the cold lip ring made contact with my warm lips. And the feel of your minty breath as it fanned my face after every make out session. I remember the late night talks and the 'I love you's. It was all an act. It was all a bet. All a fucking lie.

"You're so gay." You said. I was gay for you. I turned gay for you!

I did everything for you! I broke up with my girlfriend of three years for you! I...I loved you. I trusted you.

You didn't notice the scars on my wrists. Or you just didn't care. You knew about my parents and my how my sister died. Making me an only child at fourteen. You knew what I go through, and you were just the cherry on top of my miserable life.

I still repeat the things you said to me in my head. Over and over again until I fall asleep.

***

You did something I never thought you'd do to me. Something that broke my heart into a trillion pieces. Forget the mean names you call me. Forget you leaving me.

You have now hurt me mentally, and physically. You and your friends beat me up. You tricked me. You told me you wanted to talk. I thought things were gonna get so much better, except they only got worse. You lead me behind the gym and that's when I saw them. Your friends from the soccer team: Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and you.

Niall was the first to hit me.

(A/N lol plz don't hate me)

"Hey, Mikey." I look up from my phone and see Luke waving me over. I raise an eyebrow but go to you anyways.

"Can....can we talk?" He asks with concern and worry in his eyes. I hesitate before nodding my head.

He wanted to talk to me! Maybe he regrets leaving and wants me back?

We walk behind the gym and I see Niall and Liam leaning against the wall. They both smirk when they see me.

"Why are they here?" I ask Luke in a hushed tone. Luke laughs dryly. "You actually thought Luke would want to talk to a freak like you?!" Liam chuckles. They corner me against the wall and I feel my breath hitch in my throat.

Niall smiles as he punches me in the face. Luke slightly flinches as his fist makes contact with my face. Niall pushes me against the wall and Liam throws me onto the ground.

He kicks me in the gut and I cough out blood. I look up at Luke with pleading eyes but he just stands there smirking.

They encouraged you to join in. I begged you not to, but that only encouraged you even more. You walked towards me as I tried to scoot away, but you kneed me in the face. Then you punched me over and over again.

That's when my heart broke. That's when I couldn't handle the pain. That's when I vowed to kill myself.

***

"Mikey!" My nana calls. "Yeah." I say kissing her forehead. "How was school my love."

You used to call me that. My love. Now you call her that.

"Great. I made so many new friends." Fucking Lies. "That's good." She says and rocks back and forth in her rocking chair. I walk into my bedroom and shut the door.

When I said I'd take a bullet for you, I didn't intend for you to be the one pulling the trigger.

And you pulled the trigger without hesitation. So swiftly, no tension, no regret. No sorrow. Just happiness at the sight of me suffering.

Nothing hurts more than being hurt by the single person you thought would never hurt you.

•••

I stood on the edge of a bridge looking down at the ocean. I took a deep breath. I was really going to do it. One step to end it all. One step and I would've been free from pain, sorrow and you.

I thought It wouldn't get better. I waited too long and I couldn't handle it.

I closed my eyes and took a step forward. But that's when a pair of muscular arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. I fell on top of him and quickly apologized.

"Suicide isn't the answer." He said. "It is for me." I replied. His name was Calum, Calum Hood. He had big brown eyes and plump lips. He was tan and hot.

He drove me home and gave me his number. He said to call him whenever I have suicidal thoughts.

I call him every night. Sometimes during school when you call me names or hit me. It's now become a daily routine for you to hit me.

But then, you stopped.

When you heard about Calum.

-M.C