Sun and Moon

Chapter 9 - 244 days*

Dear Moon,

My hands are shaking as I write this letter to you. My whole body is trembling and I keep seeing things in front of me that the workers say aren't really there. There are constant voices in my head, and they just keep talking and talking all day long. They won't even shut up during the night when I'm trying to sleep. It's making me crazy. All I want to do is to rage and scream. To let out the monster inside of me. But I can't, not when I've tried for so long to keep it caged.

I've said too much now. Don't read that, forget that I ever wrote it. Let's move on. The room I'm in is so plain and bare. There are soft cushions I guess on the walls for sound isolation. It's also very soft when I throw myself against the wall. The door is made of steel and it's really thick. I've tried to throw myself against it too, but it hurts, so I've stopped. For now at least.

The doctors have made an examination and I've been told that I will have severe anxiety and tremors. It would explain why I can't seem to hold this pen. Whenever I try to move it, it seems to fall out of my hands. Sometimes when I look at them, I see flashes of red stains on my fingers. It closely resembles blood, but perhaps that's just my brain playing tricks on me.

It hurts, Moon. I never thought that it would be this painful to be in here again. I thought that I would know how it felt but alas, I've seem to have forgotten. The isolation is slowly killing me inside. This white jumper they've put me in is constricting and I can't move in it. I hate it, I hate everything here.

It gets worse when they take me outside because I keep seeing you everywhere. It feels like your ghost is haunting me, and my mind is not helping. I told the workers, and I'll finally be getting an antipsychotic drug to help with the hallucinations. Sadly enough, they won't let me take too many drugs. For some reason, they're afraid of me and what the drugs could do to my brain.

It's horrible in here. Don't get me wrong, everyone is really nice and helpful. Or well, they try to be, but I can see past the façade they've put up. Inside, they're constantly scared for their lives. But who blames them really? I would be too if I wasn't one of them.

I have to go now, darling. It's some therapy session or something like that. I'll try to write another letter as soon as I can.

Until we meet again,

Sun