Rant Book

Boyfriends - Rant me up

Well, let's just start with the fact that boyfriends could be two things: either one of the best things that has happened to you or...

not...

Boyfriends are overrated most of the time (I'm not saying this because i wanna make myself feel better about not having one - I actually do).  Not because they suck, because they don't; but because people make it seem as if having someone to be with is the best thing that one can ever experience.

It could be, but it isn't exactly necessary. Some people simply believe that the presence of someone else in your life will fulfill you and generate immense happiness within you but I certainly believe that there are certain things one has to accomplish before relying on someone else to make you happy, etc.

What I'm saying is that I believe that a person has to be happy with himself before actually getting into a relationship because the only thing that would truly make someone happy is the tolerance and acceptance of themselves.

I realized this because once you get into a relationship you start thinking (??). Thinking about whether this person makes you happy or whether you feel like this would get somewhere or whether is worth it to spend time with this person.

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I drew a line there cause that was written in June 2016 and it is currently May 2017... I just happen to have found this on my drafts and wanna elaborate on this. I wanted to leave that there to portray the slight existential crisis I was having at the time.

Basically, a lot of shit has changed since I wrote the above...A LOT

Let start by saying how that previously mentioned boyfriend does not longer hold that tittle and I am currently single as fu*ck.

Similarly, my thought processing and opinions have also changed so it feels good to have read that after almost a year and think clearly.

I still think people need to be happy with themselves in order to be able to be content with somebody else. Call me crazy but someone that isn't happy with themselves cannot simply rely on their partner to be happy, it doesn't work like that. And, if it does... not for long.

Last year, (when i wrote this) my boyfriend and I were not in a really good place relationship wise and this affected many things. I like to say this did not affect me at all but let's be real, it did. I realized that being in an unhealthy relationship can harm many things in your life and I hope to God that I will never be in that position again. By unhealthy relationship I mean fighting all the dam*n time and literally not talking to each other and such things. At the time I wrote the first part of this rant I was at the peak of these problems and we weren't working out but somehow kept clinging to each other and avoiding the inevitable end due to how long we had been in the relationship.

I don't even know why I'm writing all of this but oh well... go with it.

I also don't even know what I'm trying to get to here but let's just keep writing:

After I got out of that relationship I learned many things, such as the fact that you gotta put your 100% into the relationship or it simply won't work because you cannot have only one person putting in their work and the other one just being there... I've been there and It didn't turn out good.

I also realized that being in love with someone is not the same thing as loving them. Emphasis on this because they are two completely different things.

You learn to love someone as time goes by. You become used to that person which is what happened to me and my past boyfriend. I got so used to him that at some point I loved him. But, I would not say I was in love with him. I don't think I've ever been in love.

I like to say you choose to love someone and I chose to love him cause he was there and he was there for a long time, so in a way I had no other choice but to learn to love him. It sounds awful but If I would've been in love with him I like to think it would've just happened rather than me eventually choosing to love him. I cared about him a lot but I was not in love with him. 

I don't even know how to describe being in love cause I have never been but I like to think it goes like this: 

I like to think it just happens... You don't choose to love someone, you don't decide whether this person is lovable or not, it just happens. You fall in love with their presence, their personality and even their imperfections. You want them there and that is what leads you to fall in love with them, you are happy they are there. It can happen without your consent, and that is what scares me the most. Falling in love with the wrong person is not the first thing in my book.

I feel like there are many takes on being in love and loving but I think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion so please enlighten me with yours cause this can go so many ways. 

I'm not gonna lie and say having someone or not shouldn't make a difference cause it really does. Now that I've been alone for a year or so sometimes I really want someone there. Sometimes I want someone I can fall in love with. This sounds so extra again, but having someone that wants you for who you are can make a difference. It is not necessary but it is indeed a nice thing to have. 

You are the one that decides the purpose of people in your life and if you want someone there or not it is your decision. Although it is fair to say that sometimes we make the wrong decisions by having someone in our life that does not really belong there.

What I really want to say is that you live and you learn, and even though this sounds dumb, boyfriends come and go and as they do we learn the difference between loving and being in love.