our brains are sick but that's okay;

(3) down a route I think is heading south

It was a quarter till noon and Josh headed out the door.

"Are you coming? It's, um, it's lunch time."

"No, man. You go ahead, I eat here."

"Oh." Josh looked down at the ground nervously for a second before looking back up at Tyler. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Have been since I got here."

"Well, okay then. Bye."

"Bye."

Josh walked out into the hallway and turned right to head towards the dining hall. When he got there, he grabbed his tray and looked around for an empty seat. Ironic considering the dining hall was empty. Josh finally decided to sit in the same seat he sat earlier today, the only being difference being an absence of Tyler.

It wasn't too long until the dining hall began filling up, Josh barely recognizing a few faces from this morning. When he took the lid off his hot plate, steam rose up from some rice and chicken nuggets. Not bad, he thought. He's had worse, the nights he didn't eat were the worst. So, Josh sat there and ate in silence and alone, his not-so-bad lunch.

When the nurse came by to drop off Tyler's tray, he sighed as he faked a smile and forced himself to eat whatever was on the plate. She watched him as he forced down his first few bites of ravioli, it's not that the food was bad, he just didn't have an appetite. Or deserved to be healthy, but that was another story and another demon. Josh ran back inside, sprinting to his bed and hid his face in his pillow.

Tyler walked over to him, putting down his lyrics and sat by his side, rubbing his back. Josh was shaking, he was panicking but Tyler just stayed there.

"Hey, shhhh. It's okay, you want me to tell me what happened?"

Josh was shy and he didn't want to move but somehow, he found the strength to speak into his pillow, making his respond semi-coherent.

"Sor-sorry, I just have really bad social and regular anxiety and just, I tend to freak out for no reason sometimes."

"Josh, don't worry about it. I'm right here, you don't have to be anxious with me. Although, it's not exactly something you can control but still, just know I'd never judge you. We're all in here for a reason, right?"

Josh had regained the ability to form a faint smile on his face as Tyler spoke. Though he was still shaky and his breaths were uneven.

"Hey, um, would you like to read some more of my stuff?"

Josh turned his head and looked at Tyler before nodding and sitting up, now both boys facing each other on the bed. He was surprised at the offer but just waited patiently as he wiped the stray tears that stained his cheeks. Tyler smiled and pulled out a folded piece of paper from his notebook which was on the night table and handed it to Josh. The boy grabbed it and unfolded it with a gentle precision as he began to read the words.

We don't deal with outsiders very well, they say newcomers have a certain smell, yeah, I trust issues, not to mention, they say they can smell your intentions, you'll never know the freakshow sitting next to you, you'll have some weird people sitting next to you, you'll think, "How did I get here, sitting next to you?" But after all I've said, please don't forget.

Josh read it word for word and it made him think, harder than he ever has. He didn't care that it was messy, a blob of words put together to form poetry. When he looked up from the page, he noticed his hands had stopped shaking and his breathing was calm.

"It's so, so, just, wow. I have no words to describe this."

Tyler didn't deserve this, to be locked away from the world with a mind this beautiful, he should be out there, creating and letting the world see what he's really made of. Josh rested his head against the wall and thought about the words over and over again. They made him feel strong, they kept him real.

"Do me a favor and don't ever stop trying, okay? Stay alive, if not for yourself then do it for me."

Josh met eyes with Tyler and his heart skipped a beat. He wanted to look away, he wanted to do anything but feel what he was feeling because he knows how wrong this actually is, but he can't help himself. He's staring and the wild deranged thoughts in his mind are pushed away and replaced with the secrets Tyler's eyes seem to hold.

"Tyler, why are you in here?"

Tyler was caught off guard by the question causing him to look away, their eyes breaking apart.

"I'm sorry, um, you don't have to answer that. Just, you seem so good and you don't deserve to be locked away in here."

Tyler took a deep breath but decided to stand for himself and raised his head in what could have been mistaken by courage.

"Why is anyone in here, right?"

He chuckled lightly, obviously fake, he was nervous but he didn't want to show it. Josh just sat quietly, waiting to see whether or not Tyler would open up to him, to his pleasant surprise, he finally did.

"I'm in here because the doctors think I'm a danger to myself. I've done stuff, bad and dangerous stuff, when I just couldn't take it anymore."

Josh leaned forward, a little closer as if to hug Tyler but he restrained himself. It took everything within him not to wrap his arms around the boy in front of him but he knew, he knew the rules and if they were caught hugging, the nurses would freak.

"Why are you in here?"

Josh ceased his movements and looked at Tyler in the eyes. He didn't think this through, he didn't want Tyler to know what his mind thought of late at night. He didn't want him to know the foolish mistakes he'd made when he was at war with his own self for a moment too long.

"Um..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's not that, it's just...I don't want you to think I'm weak or stupid or anything."

"Are you kidding me? I'd never judge you, I told you."

"Okay, well, I kind of tried to kill myself..."

Tyler just blankly stared at him. But his look wasn't of pity, nor disappointment, not even anger. It contained fear as if Tyler was scared at the thought that he almost never would have had the chance to meet Josh.

"I've heard it all before, so, please, save the pity speech and I know, it's bad-"

Josh was interrupted by the feeling of arms around him. Tyler pulled him close to his chest and squeezed tightly, holding on to him. They were breaking every rule in the book but it didn't matter because the way Tyler felt pressed up against him was soothing. Josh could feel his warmth and he could feel his heart beating to the beat. They stayed like this for as long as they allowed themselves before anxiety took over and forced the two apart.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I'm proud of you."

Josh was confused, he raised an eyebrow and stared at Tyler, awaiting an explanation.

"What is there to be proud of?"

"You're here. You made it this far, kid. You're in here and you're breathing and you're alive. That means I got the chance to meet you and that's pretty fricken awesome if you ask me."

Josh just stared at Tyler for a moment before allowing a big smile to creep up on his face, dimples being revealed in the process. His eyes always squinted when he laughed or smiled and if Tyler was being honest here, there really wasn't any site that could have compare to those brown eyes.