our brains are sick but that's okay;

(1) I must forewarn you of my condition

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping. A summer day, the kind where kids would run and play; swimming in the pool, playing catch in the park or even biking around town. Tyler was finding it all so beautiful, though he sighed at the obligation to admire the view from a six-story window.

He laid his head back against the wall, still tilting it towards the window. He saw the same thing he'd been staring at for years now: a whole world better off without him in it, trying to transform it.

"Up and at it, Tyler! Breakfast is here."

A perky nurse walked inside, a nametag identifying her as Sabrina. She was holding a tray of food, belonging to Tyler, which held a bagel with cream cheese, a carton of milk and an orange.

Tyler didn't say much, every day had been the same. He never left his room, never went to eat in the dining hall like the majority of the patients. Instead, he'd stay in here and eat, sitting cross-legged on his bed. Every nurse on the floor knew that and every meal they'd bring him his food, watching him eat the few first bites. Before Tyler was brought in, he was lucky if he'd be able to hold down one meal a day.

She set the tray in front of him as he turned, positioning himself like he always did. He devoured his first bite; he was bored in here and when you're bored, you eat. It wasn't too hard, his body had gotten use to three full meals a day. Though, some days it felt still impossible.

First rule he'd learn: always do as expected. Otherwise, they'll never leave you alone. Though today, his stomach was strongly against it. As he chugged back the cartoon of milk, he felt it coming back up right away. Tyler struggled to keep it down until she left before rushing to the bathroom, bending over the metal toilet and throwing up his breakfast. It was record time, he lasted a whole 5 minutes with his anxiety whirled up inside of him before he lost his battle.

He had lost his appetite a long, long time ago. Depression will do that to a person, though you don't necessarily need an appetite to eat, right? It's just more of a chore than an enjoyement. But none of this mattered in the end, he was here to get better, right?

He stayed there for a moment before taking his tray back to the cart by the dinning room. He saw Jenna, another teenage girl stuck in here. She had blonde hair, shoulder lenght and bright blue eyes. She sat there, quietly reading a book over an empty tray in the empty room. That's all she ever did: read and gossip with the other girls. But no one here is really much for early conversations.

Morning group was at 9 o'clock sharp, he still had 15 minutes to burn. He took out his crummy notebook he'd been carrying everywhere he went and wrote down a few lines of what could be mistaken as poetry. He loved music and it was probably one of the only thing in the world that burned around him that could make him smile. Feel anything for that matter of fact; he was numb in every way nearly every day. Time flew by quickly as Sabrina was back at the door, knocking gently on the open door. They weren't allowed to close the doors, just in case the kids got creative enough to find new ways to hurt themselves.

"It's time for morning group, Tyler."

With a simple nod, Tyler stood from his bed and tucked his notebook away in the small cabinet by his bed, before leaving his room. He walked down the hall and headed inside the lounge. That's where all the activities are held and it's also the place people come to chill. There's couches and a big table which held buckets of markers and coloring sheets. Tyler always found himself filling in a page or two at the extent of boredom. He sat down quietly in the corner, comfortably sinking into the leather couch as the room began to fill up.

"Good morning, everyone!"

These nurses were honestly paid to be all jolly and perky, which was, in all honesty, quite frustrating considering they were talking to a room full of depressed and suicidal kids.

"My name is Sabrina, I'll be in charge of group this morning."

Before she had the chance to speak, a strange face walked inside, accompanied by a nurse. The boy walked forward slowly and then took a seat at the end of the room, silently. Tyler eyed him, he wore all black: ripped skinny jeans and a tank top. Tyler had respect for his sense of style.

"Looks like we have a new friend joining us today. What's your name?"

Josh's forehead shined with sweat, causing his messy brown hair to stick to it. His palms were sweaty and he felt his heart beating out his chest; stomach swirling  in a sickening move.

"J-Joshua-no uh Josh, uh Joshua but Josh. My name is Josh."

Everyone's eyes were burning a hole through his chest and he felt his lungs being deprived of oxygen. He was shaking his leg rhythmically, but only Tyler could pick up on the beat. After all, music was his clarity.

"Welcome, Josh."

Sabrina regained her train of thought and continued her explanation on this morning's activity. Luckily for Tyler, it was his favourite. Quotes and Motivation. Everyone would write down a quote or a motivating and positive message on a piece of paper which we would then place in a bowl. Everyone picked one and read it to themselves, it was all anonymous and that was Tyler's cherry on top. He always wrote down his own lyrics, but obviously, nobody knew.

Everyone got up to gather around the large table, taking a seat on the plastic chairs. This morning Tyler decided he'd write down his newest piece. He tossed the folded sqaure of paper in the bowl before slouching back down in his chair. He looked forward, firectly in front of him sat Josh. He was quiet and reserved, Tyler had seen it before: social anxiety.

Josh was quick when it came his turn to pick a piece of paper from the bowl, afraid everyone was judging him. He unfolded his paper, a small smile smearing his lips.

the sun will rise and we will try again. stay alive for me frend.

He gently place the paper inside his jeans pocket, holding on to it tightly. He really needed that today. Everyone rose up and headed back to their room, Josh checking his hand for the messily written room number: 21. He walked to the door, knocking gently before even considering to enter.

Tyler's head flew up. He was sitting quietly on his bed when he heard the knock. He looked at Josh who stood shyly in the doorway.

"Hi, um I'm your new roommate.."

"Hey, I'm Tyler."

Josh smiled and walked inside, taking a seat on the neatly folded bed. The room was simple. A large square with a small bathroom at the back, left corner. Beside it was Tyler's bed, above was a large window. In front of the bathrrom was a desk, beside what was now Josh's bed. There were two cabinets, one beside Josh's bed and the other at the end of Tyler's. Than another desk by the door, right below the large window that showed a perfect view of the nurses station. And that was it, the rooms were plain and basic and nearly soffucating.

Tyler was sitting there quietly. He wore stringless clothes: gray sweatpants along with a black basketball hoodie and laceless black vans. He was exhausted from another sleepless night of sleep. He watched as Josh shook, his breaths short and quick. His face was red and covered in sweat.

"Everything alright?"

Josh was caught off guard, coughing to clear his throat. "Um, yeah haha. Just not exactly the place I expected to be during the summer."

"Yeah, Amen to that, man."

Josh turned his head away from Tyler, the nostalgia of his pure and innocent childhood tuanting him. He was happy once, nothing mattered and everything was done for him. Now he sat at the end of a hospital bed, breath caught in his lungs.

Tyler was looking at him, he could relate to it all. The anxiety, the panic, all of it. He'd felt it, deeply eating at his bones his first few nights here. Though anxiety had been present in his mind for a big part of his life, it was diferent. Seemed unbearable even. So Tyler knew, how it felt and seeing Josh go through it all hurt him. Even on his enemies, he wouldn't wish who he was.