Chapter song: Let her go
By: Passenger
Once we got home I went straight to my room, footsteps were following and I knew it was Michael.
"Michael, listen" I said turning around, when I did I saw Ashton standing there with his arms crossed.
"What's going on" he asked.
"Michael"
"What about him?" he hopped on my bed, I sat next to him crossing my legs.
"I-I don't like him like he likes me"
"Then why don't you tell him that?" he asked concerned
"Because I know what it's like to like someone you can't have, and it hurts, a lot" I said. Water covered over my eyes making things blurry.
"Please, Jess you can get any guy you want" he laughed. I smiled slightly at the complement
"Yea, well I used to not" I wiped the tears away from my eyes. Realizing what I just got myself into,I knew he was going to ask me what I meant by that.
"Explain" he laid flat on his back, I did the same.
"Well you know how I don't really speak much of my past" I said.
"Yea" he said
"well when I was younger, about 6, we moved from Georgia to south Carolina where my mom grew up because my grandmother wasn't doing well, a couple years later I found out it was cancer, but any way, I became really good friends with some girls in the 5th grade, we pretty much were the mean girls of the school" I paused for a moment and swallowed the lump stuck in my throat. "My grandma passed away, I was a wreck, I spent every day with her, it was like losing my mother. I grew really depressed, I ate all the time and gained so much weight, the girls that I was friends with just forgot about me and wouldn't let me sit with them. i gained so much weight infact that I couldn't keep up with the other kids in my dance classes, and the teachers didn't help, they just put me in the back." Ashton wrapped me up in his arms, hugging me into his chest.
"im not done" I sniffed, he let go a little so I could talk.
"the rest of 5th grade I didn't have any friends, I would go out to the soccer fields and practice more than I needed to, on many occasions my parents or brothers would find me passed out in the middle of the field from a heat stroke or dehydration, then I started 6th grade, just more bullying by the girls who used to be my friends. Then I became friends with a new kid named Mason, we became the best of friends, then I became friends with his friends, by the end of seventh grade I was all friends with guys, summer going into 8th grade I started to slim down, practice became easier, I became kind of a rebel and took hip hop classes instead of ballet and guitar instead of piano" we both laughed a little
"When 8th grade started I thought the bullying would stop now that I was a different person, but it just kept going, but instead of being called fat and ugly I was called slut, whore, and addicted to lipo suction just because of who I hung out with and what I looked like. Finally I wasn't quiet, I stood up for myself, I became more sarcastic and funny, basically the person I am now. I went to parties and got tattoos, all at the same time I was falling in love with mason, and he fell in love with me. he was the one who kept me grounded when I was getting too crazy, I was kinda bound to be with him, but he left, he went to military school" I sobbed, I couldn't control my thoughts.
"Where is he now" he asked hesitantly, I took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.
"he-he was killed in combat" I said fully in tears.
"You're afraid of dating anyone else aren't you" Ashton sounded shaky. I looked up at his tear stained cheeks and nuzzled my head into his chest.
"Im sorry"
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked hugging me tighter.
"Because I just told you something that no one really knows, now you're crying and it just had no idea I would end up telling my whole life story-"
"It's okay jess" he said.
"I miss him" I cried
"I know" he kissed my head.
***
I woke up wrapped in Ashton's arms, I looked at his white shirt that had black mascara spread over the two areas my eyes were, I got up making sure not to wake up Ashton. My eyes were red and puffy with my makeup spread over my face, still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I got a clean oversized sweater and leggings. I took a quick shower and threw on my clothes. Its amazing how much better I feel now. When I came out I saw Ashton still sleeping. I got my phone and went to the kitchen where. Great. Michael is making breakfast; I tried to avoid him and almost made it to the living room,
"Morning babe" he kissed me on the cheek,
"Morning" I exhaled smileing fantly
"Do you want breakfast" he asked
"No thanks, I'm not hungry" I said
"Are you sure we have a big day of packing" he said hugging me from behind.
"yea, I'm fine, really" I smiled, he kissed behind my ear, I have to admit it felt nice, wait no, no it didn't. Yes it did. You need to move on jess, he's gone, he knows you love him and he would want you to move on. I recited what Ashton told me last night, he was right. Mason and i loved each other and he would want me to find someone who loves me as much as he did. Maybe he put Michael in my life for a reason.
I turned around in his arms and placed my lips on his, it surprised him but he kissed back eventually. Something about it didn't feel right, no fireworks, no tingles, no butterflies, nothing. It felt, forced. I broke the kiss. He smiled down at me, I forced a smile back.
"Nice way to wake up" he laughed, I smiled and walked to the couch.
I checked my phone; it was blown up with messages, mostly from my little brother jack but I saw one from harry.
*harry and jess' conversation*
Hazza: Hey beautiful ;)
Butterflies, what!? Stop that!
Me: Hey xx J
Hazza: What's up?? x.
Me: sitting on the couch, already starting to dread packing xx.wbu
Hazza: Haha same, so um, how are you and Michael?? Just wondering.
Me: well stop wondering, he has a crush and I don't really know how to tell him I don't...like him like that
Hazza: Oh xx. I thought you guys were like, together
Me: no, I'm just too nice of a person to say no xx.
Hazza: I'm sure you are. Text me when you can hang out! I have to go pack :(((
Me: Will do!! And me too L
*end of convo*
Uggh I guess I should start packing also.
*Hayyy
Whoo drama! i thought it was time to let her past come to place. Yes i made all of that up. i desided to not relate jess to myself. that would be kinda weird and if i did people at school might find out so....
shortish capter i know but i wanted to give you guys something to read because I got 70 freaking reads!!!!
I know thats not very much but its good enough for me!
Lets try to get 90?!?!
Love you all!!
Cleo <3
