Blinded [One Direction] ✔

Chapter 31 - Miracle

and she'll bleed from her own heart,

just to make room for his.

* * *

Sometimes, the answers we so desperately seek are right in front of our eyes the entire time. In some instances, we're just too lazy to search for them. And in others, we're too busy searching for not an answer, but a way to change the past. Any sane human would know that it isn't possible. What's done is done and cannot be altered, regardless of how hard or how many times we try.

So maybe I wasn't sane. But, in my defense, nobody in love actually could be considered sane. 

Ever since I could remember, I had twisted every door knob, peeked through every door, and tried anything I could to change what had been. I wanted to turn back the clock and make my parents love me. I wanted to change the past so that they never had become so famous. Maybe the whim was selfish, but I felt as if it were true, they would feel differently towards me. And later my only wish was to have Louis care about me the same way I cared about him. And when that happened, I wanted so desperately to go back in time and prevent myself from falling for him in the first place. I knew all of this was impossible, yet I never stopped trying.

And that, in short, is the definition of insanity. 

The inestimable camera that laid in my lap weighing more than ever before, I sat and stared straight ahead. My hands were covered by my sweat shirt's long sleeves, hiding the fingers that danced so restlessly. I knew what was happening in just two days. Not only was the engagement becoming final, but I was doing something that I had only ever dreamt of. 

My decision was insane, ridiculous, impulsive--you get the point. But it was the only way I could redeem myself. After everything that had happened in the course of a month, I truly did not think I could handle any more. And the talk I had with my mother earlier that same day finalized my decision. 

I had visited her when my father was gone for a meeting, the time we had together being limited yet crucial.

"I'm filing a divorce," she had told me. She seemed so confident in her choice and I only wondered how she seemed to do it. I was always skeptical of my actions, pondering over every possible outcome and every "what if." 

Her words shouldn't have come as much of a shock, but they did. I knew that my parents didn't have the best of all relationships, but I never imagined divorce to be one of the answers. As surprised as I was though, I was happy for my mother. She could resolve her conflict with a simple signature on a sheet of paper, and here I was, stuck between an over-possessive girl and her charming fiance, who managed to steal my heart much too easily. And I was taking the most complicated and risky way out.

"When?" It was the only word I was able to choke out. Mother had not a single hint of sadness on her features; rather, she looked much livelier, a sense of freedom radiating off of her.

She had only one word for me, and that was one that never held much meaning until then.

"Soon." 

And that's when I told her. I confided in her, informing her of what had happened after mine and Louis' previous dance lesson and telling her of what I planned to do. A small part of me wanted her to stop me. I wanted her to shake her head side to side and tell me that there was indeed another way out, but the response I did receive was different of all sorts. 

She smiled. 

Out of all things Rita McVerry could do or say, she smiled.

She took my hand and cupped it in her own hands. "Do you know why I named you Charlotte?" She had asked, catching me off-guard. I shook my head in response, never recalling the thought crossing my mind.