If Only

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If only you knew
How the sight of you thrills me.
How you could set my whole being off with a tug of your lips,
How much dominance you have over my heart.

If only you knew
How much I love you
How much I care
How much I'm hurting repeatedly.

If only you knew
How many times I've been told
Over and over again
To give you up.

If only you knew
How I stood up for you
How I fought for you
And how I was so stupid not to let go.

If only you knew
How many lashings I took
How many stitches I had
How many bruises I received

If only you knew...
How many times I killed myself again and again
Just for you
To be in your perfect bubble.

But you don't know.

And you'll never know.

Be oblivious to all these. Remain in your blissful bubble. As long as you're happy,
I'm willing to die all over again.

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