Blame it on our Fates

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Song Of The Day : When You're Gone By Avril Lavigne

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"You said that you moved here to London two months ago right? What's your age then?" I asked Harriet as we both started walking towards the gate of the cemetery.

"Oh I'm eighteen years old and an FE student, taking my A-levels as we speak."

"Really? Me too. I mean I'm also taking my A-levels, but I'm still seventeen. Will turn eighteen in couple of months. So which school did you join?" I asked hoping she'll say MountBatten High.

"Oh it's something called MountBatten High," she said and eyed me when I grinned at her.

"You too?" She asked dumbfounded as I nodded eagerly.

"That's great. Honestly it has been two weeks there and I haven't even made one friend yet and now that I have I feel amazing. They all don't bother with me and I don't bother with them. Well the first day, the news spread fast and almost everyone knew about me as the 'new girl,' but I didn't show any signs to befriend because honestly no offense I found that all the girls were grade-A bitches," Harriet was ranting at this point, drawing a chuckle out of me.

"And the boys? They have nothing else but the only motive to get inside a girl's pants. So a big no-no," she continued ranting. And I couldn't bring myself to speak any words so therefore, I just kept on nodding. I was trying so hard to pay attention to what she was saying, but it was so difficult. My mind kept wandering to places it wasn't supposed to. My mum's  death and I being the major cause behind her untimely demise.  My mind filtered with the images of her lying in her car, eyes wide open, blood gushing, wounds aching, and my eyes teared up. Harriet noticed something was off when when stopped mid-way and saw me having an episode.

"Cadence? Are you fine?" She asked as I leaned against my Vespa, desperate for some support. I must have zoned out on her. I had been doing that a lot lately. I snapped out of my daze and look at the figure in front of me, not even realizing a small frown was playing on my lips and a few tears were running down my face as I thought about my mother and her death. I quickly wiped the tears away, as I looked at Harriet with blurry eyes and rubbed my eyes. Harriet on the other hand looked at me with wide, concerned eyes.

"What's wrong? Hey, talk to me," she cooed as her arms wrapped around my small figure and I rested my head against her chest. For someone who just met me, she seemed genuinely worried. Not wanting to share my deepest, darkest secrets just yet to a mere stranger, I shook my head and offer her a small sad smile.

"It's just that I miss my mother,"I answered, which was not exactly a lie but somehow not even remotely true. I did miss my mother but also I am crying because of the monster that I believe have become. I can't believe that I am able of such a heinous crime.

"Oh trust me she misses you too. But I believe you are very strong and you will pull through it. You are a strong person," she said smiling softly at me as I absentmindedly nodded my head. I know that I can't pull through, not after I know what I have done.

"I hope so," I say absentmindedly. She just nods her head looks away and that's when I realize we are heading to the same street where my mom's workplace is, 'The Basil Paradise,' and I remember my promise to do something for my mother. And idea suddenly sparks in my mind and I grin inwardly.

"Hey Harriet? Why don't you go ahead? I think I want to visit someone," I say as I think of an excuse to shoo her away.

"You sure? I don't mind being with you honestly?" She said shrugging. Oh no she can't come with me. I want a little space from people and someone like her who resembles Hailey in way too many aspects, won't let me alone for sure.