Addicted To Your Fix

2 - Good Riddance

Fast forward about three months from the last time I talked to Aubree. I was at home, at the apartment I still technically shared with Calum. But we were both rarely there at the same time. Brandi stayed with me most of the time, and Cal was usually with Natalie. We'd just finished up rehearsals for our latest tour and were headed out to hit the road the next day. I was trying to get my shit together because I hadn't packed yet. One would think that I'd be pretty good at packing with as much practice as I'd had, but I was no better then than I was a few years prior. It didn't help that I was aggravated because Brandi was being a bitch.

She walked past me on the way to the bathroom and commented, "Why do you have to make such a mess when you pack?"

"I always clean it up, don't I?" I mean, seriously. I was more or less a neat freak, and she knew that.

I noticed that she rolled her eyes when she answered, "Whatever," and shut the door. She was such a damn teenager sometimes.

"Yeah, whatever," I said under my breath.

One would also think that my impending departure for God knows how many months would have had some kind of affect on Brandi, other than bitching. She hadn't once told me she was going to miss me. As a matter of fact, she hadn't even told me that she loved me in quite a while. But to think about it, neither had I. And I wasn't going to miss her, either.

I was pretty sure I had everything together, except the last minute stuff like my toothbrush and phone charger. I set a reminder on my phone with a list of items I needed to grab in the morning on my way out, and sat down on the bed, thinking about what was ahead of me.

No matter how much I prepared, it was never enough. Traveling more months of the year than not is both the greatest and most exhausting experience. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've had my moments when I just didn't think I could continue. But I hung in there because it's what I live for. There was a different feel to it that time, though. I guess because instead of just living day to day, I thought so much about what would be happening in a few months. We had to reschedule a few weeks worth of shows because of the baby's due date. I felt real shitty having to change dates around. The fans didn't know the reason why at the time, but I knew they'd find out soon enough. 5SOS members' secrets don't keep for very long. Like, some of our fans need to pursue a career in private investigation, no lie.

For some reason, I found myself thinking of Aubree, and how she didn't want my fanbase to know about her. I went along with it for as long as she wanted, though. And when she finally agreed to let me show her off to the world, I was so proud to have her by my side, even though it only happened a couple of times. As a matter of fact, we were only together a little over two months after that. It was so difficult to think about her. I constantly wondered how she was doing. And of course I wondered if she was with another man. Just thinking about it actually felt like there was a giant fist squeezing my heart.

I felt the bed move as Brandi got in it behind me and she turned off the light, leaving me in the dark without even asking if I needed it on. She didn't say goodnight or even acknowledge that I was there. But that was fine. I didn't feel like talking to her anyway. To be perfectly honest, I thought how it would be a relief to leave home for a while. Maybe some time apart would help us communicate better. Or maybe not. I really didn't even care.

My bag was far heavier than I liked for it to be as I picked it up from the end of the bed and set it by the door, ready to begin it's journey in just a few hours. A couple of those stops would be fairly close to Aubree. So many times I wanted to ask her if she'd be going to any of our shows, and if she wanted to meet up. But seeing as she told me that we shouldn't contact each other again, I left her alone. That was one of the many sacrifices I made when I said I'd stay by Brandi's side because of the baby.