Addicted To Your Fix

9 - About Damn Time

"Hi," I said, when we stopped for air.

"Hey," she replied.

We stood staring at each other for the longest time with our arms around each other. At some point the other guys had left.

"So, do you have any more doubts?" Aubree asked, then bit her bottom lip coyly.

"No," I answered, and placed a soft kiss on the lips that were so familiar to me. Then I took her hand and led her to one of the couches so that we could sit down.

We both started talking at the same time, as we seemed to do a lot. This time she insisted that I go first.

I couldn't stop touching her: her hair, her face, her hands. She was really there, but it still seemed unreal.

"Obviously, we both want the same thing. And I want nothing more than to pick up where we left off, but I understand completely if you don't feel comfortable jumping right back into it. We have all the time in the world, and I'm not going anywhere, no matter what, I swear." I sounded desperate again. But I was, dammit.

Aubree twisted my hair around her finger, and I was in Heaven. I loved for her to mess with my hair.

"Honestly, I've been thinking that it would be better if we didn't rush back into anything."

I was okay with that, really. I'd take whatever she was willing to give. But then she added, "But now that I'm here with you, I see that it's obvious we both feel the same as we did all those months ago. Why torture ourselves? Luke is right, we've already lost too much time. There's no sense in waiting. We belong together, Ashton. We can't deny it. And even if we could, I don't want to."

"Fuck, Aubree. I don't want to wait, either. God, I have so much to say and explain and apologize for, though."

She put her fingers on my lips to shush me before I went any further. "Let's make a deal, okay?" I nodded my agreement since I wasn't allowed to speak. "No more explanations or apologies. Nothing in the past matters now." Again, I nodded. But there was one thing I felt the need to say; an explanation I owed her.

"Okay, it's a deal, after I tell you this one thing."

"Okay, fair enough."

I was actually embarrassed to talk about it. But I had to. "I know I've already apologized profusely for the reasons why we split up in the first place. But I'm really truly so, so sorry, Aubree."

She gave me the sweetest sympathetic smile. It looked like she was about to cry, which made me feel even worse. But I knew her intention wasn't to make me feel bad. She was just sad that it still bothered me so much.

"I was just so damn insecure. I know that you realized that, and you tried repeatedly to convince me that there was no need to be. But people have used me my whole life. Even before I had money or was in the business, people took advantage of me. I never once thought you were using me. But it was just hard for me to accept that a genuinely good person like you could love me for simply being me. And even when I did accept it, I was still afraid that you'd run the first chance you got. I had this stupid need keep tabs on you, to know what you were doing all the time. Like, I could keep you from leaving if I knew your every move or something. I don't know how to explain it. I was so afraid you'd forget about me if you weren't reminded of me constantly, I guess. It's all so dumb, I know. But I learned from it and I swear on everything good that I'll never be like that again. And as far as the jealousy crap, you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, and I know you'd never hurt me. You'd never cheat on me or any of that nonsense. Part of you having a big heart means that you're going to have friends, male friends, that you care about, like Michael. And I get that now. He'd never hurt me either, and I know there's nothing to worry about there. I guess it's only natural to feel somewhat jealous at times, but that doesn't mean that I need to act like a jerk. I won't ever again. And I hope you don't think this is just a bunch of bullshit, because it's not. I promise, baby."