Addicted To Your Fix

10 - Get In Line

Aubree tossed her keys onto a nearby table and turned to face me. She was biting her lip, knowing good and well what that does to me. I took it as an invitation, but just as I reached for her, she walked away.

"I'll be right back," she said said over her shoulder, heading in the direction of her bedroom.

I was parched, so I decided to help myself to some water. As I drank from the bottle, I looked at all the cute drawings on the fridge. Right in the center of everything was the drawing of Aubree, the kids, and myself that I made when we all went out to eat so long ago. I don't know why it got to me the way it did, but before I knew what hit me, tears were flowing. They were happy tears, though, unlike the many I'd had for so long. I dried my eyes and sucked it up as quickly as I could, thankful that I hadn't turned on a light and Aubree couldn't tell that my eyes were red when she appeared.

She approached me from behind and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her cheek into the center of my shoulder blades. I held tightly to her arms and enjoyed the feel of her embrace. It had been so long since I'd felt someone's loving arms around me.

We stood that way for a moment until I said, "I see you still have my drawing hanging up."

I felt her nod her head against my back, then she released her hold to come around and hug me from the front. She looked up at me and said, "That's the one thing that I couldn't get rid of, even just to put it away for safe keeping. It was kind of difficult seeing it every day. But it also made me smile every day. Sometimes it was the only thing that made me smile. That was one of my favorite days ever, because I was with the people I love most in this world."

All I could manage to say without breaking my resolve and letting the tears win again was a whispered, "I love you."

I leaned down to kiss her, but she pulled away. She smiled hesitantly, then said, "I love you, too, Ashton. But..."

"But what, baby?"

"This sounds kind of super sappy, but if we do this, it has to be forever. I can't lose you again. I can't have you for just a little while and have to give you up again."

"Aubree, I swear to you, I'm in this forever." I felt guilty and knew that I had lots to prove. But I meant it. I wasn't letting her go ever again. I'd have to die first. She looked away, but I pulled her chin up to look at me. "I understand if you're hesitant, trust me. Once bitten, twice shy. I get it. And this sounds super sappy, too, but thank you for giving me another chance. I probably don't deserve it. But I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, Molly, and Ash. I'm nothing without you. I mean it."

She smiled more confidently and cozied up to me even more and said, "Well, now that that's settled..." She put her hands in my hair and tiptoed to kiss me. What started off as a gentle, lingering kiss quickly became full of need and urgency. We migrated toward the bedroom, leaving behind a trail of clothing. And we may have knocked over a lamp.

But things settled down as we made it to our destination. The passion was still present, but we were both savoring every touch, every kiss, every moment. Though it had been so long, I was still familiar with every inch of her body. Yet, I was recommitting it to memory, because I didn't know when we'd have the opportunity to be together again. We hadn't taken time to figure it out yet, but I wasn't in a hurry because I knew it would happen eventually. For once, I wasn't worried about never seeing Aubree again. And I think that affected our lovemaking in a way, at least on my part. My mind wasn't preoccupied with thoughts of unworthiness or self-doubt. I was simply present in the moment, loving the woman I'd give my life for. That was a freedom I thought I'd never have.

There was really nothing left to discuss that night. Our actions said it all. We wore ourselves out and it was the best sleep I'd had in forever.

Though I was rested up, morning came too soon. It was both strange and comforting waking up and feeling at home. I felt like we were some well established married couple casually going about our business getting ready for a day of fun. But there wasn't much time to linger when we had a three hour drive to meet up with the rest of my band. That three hours of privacy came in handy, though, giving us plenty of time to come up with a game plan.