The System Of Society

Chapter 3: tears from tears

After much lousily discussed topics along the line of choices for the much 'troubled' future I was about to have because of my choice of type, my shiny polished wooden necklace shaped into a sphere on a silver chain seemed to be my only focus of attention during the majority of the conversation, for one, it was the only thing interesting near me, and, for two, I didn't want to hear the things my family had to say. Then again, that wasn't much different to normal.
"What should it take for you to learn?" My mother said irritated whilst grasping the necklace from my hand and yanking it of my head forcefully "ouch!" I said hesitantly then glaring out the window that sat near me to my left. My mum sighed in frustration. "What does it take Lora? What does it take?" She said placing her palms on my cheeks and her nails behind my ears, next thing I knew she had turned my head to face her disappointed expression that seemed almost cursing; she seemed good at that look, when ever you saw it you felt like something was sweeping through the dustiest most deserted place of your soul. I felt a stinging shiver wave down my spine as a chill rose from my chest. I realised I hadn't answered her question and I didn't want I tell her the truth, so I decided just to shrug pulling a innocent look on my face. She turned her head away from me and leant on the table pinching irritatedly at the top of her nose near her forehead like she was hinting it was my fault I wanted to be different, my fault I didn't want to blend in, my fault for longing something else, my fault for being here... I tried to calm down but then all my emotions fell, right then, right there, they just let loose and fell.
"I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter you wanted mum! And I'm also sorry you aren't happy with the only daughter you have but I'm not like you!... I'm not like anyone. So, so just if you don't want me then that's fine! I'll just stay over at Mackenzie's place, her parents wouldn't mind, her parents don't JUDGE HER FOR WANTING TO BE DIFFERENT!!!" I hadn't wanted to yell or say half the things I just did but I did, and for some reason for just a bread moment I felt more proud for standing up for myself and what I believed in than what I just started feeling. I felt like I wasn't needed, wanted or a good daughter, I felt I just broke my mothers heart and I couldn't fix it. All my life there were many things I'd inherited from my mum but one of the ones I didn't want to inherit was just the thing we both did after every fight, when we felt alone, stressed or even just pressured more than we could take, which wasn't much, we would either run away or break into tears. I had just realised that mum and I were both in tears at that moment, mum now relying on the table fully to keep her weight up while she tried to hide her face behind her arm and I was half way up the stairs to my room in tears. I stayed locked away in my room for hours until dad got home. When I saw his blue-and-white Ferrari park in the old, light grey parking lot I ran down to him, still tears flowing from my tired eyes.
"Bunny, are you ok?" Dad questioned in a state-of-the-obvious moment; well, no dad, I'm happy! What do you think?!
"No." I answered honestly and shivering on fear as I came over for a hug. He slung his arm around my neck and I hid my face in one of the unzipped parts of his black leather jacket as he looked down on me studying for anything obvious he finally realised I wasn't crying about an injury. "Aww, what happened Lor?" He asked sympathetically as he pulled his now wet jacket from my face.
"Am I a good enough daughter?" I asked feeling as though I wasn't anywhere close enough; I mean I made my mother cry, I wasn't the 'perfect' happy daughter you would see on TV. "Oh, is this what it's all about?" He asked leaning down towards me. And yes, I'm short for my age but hey, leave me alone! I'm fine for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck rather childishly for a tighter hug
"I don't think mum likes me dad." I spoke with a voice starting to fade
" why do you say that Honey-Bunny?"
"Mum and I had another fight today, and she left a while ago taking her car with her. Do you think she's coming back?" I asked fearfully as if I was being picked on by the school bully, my voice was now a soft croak
"I think she will-" he reassured
"She just takes drives when she's upset." He finished looking down the road as he, himself, looked slightly worried for mum. All I could do now was hope that by the time mum had returned I wouldn't be in to deeper trouble.