The System Of Society

Chapter 4: no gain from the pain

I sat up realising I had fallen asleep. I over cried myself the day before, and I knew that, but I hadn't realised if fallen asleep. I reorganised my thoughts from their scrambled piles on the floor of my brain and put them, or rather tried to put them back into place on my usually unorganised thought pattern. Then remembering it wasn't the weekend yet I automatically turned to my digital clock on my bedside table that sat comfortably to the right of my bed. Holy heck! It was seven-fifteen, why hasn't dad come in to wake me up yet? I know I almost never sleep in but I'd thought he would've woken me up now. I looked around quickly finding the first thing to do in the morning of a school day. Breakfast! That's it. I stumbled clumsily off my mattress catching myself before I could fall and ran through the door to the hall.
"Dad!" I called frantically as I opened the pantry's door in a rush
"where's the Power Bix?!" I chirped filled with the placeless adrenaline that made me worried I could be late by the time I was ready... No answer from dad? What? I thought feeling foolish I hadn't noticed that five seconds ago. I got worried, as I usually do when someone takes longer than eight seconds to respond to my questions or statements. I found myself darting through the rooms of my house like a buzzing be on honey harvest day. I found myself standing in neutral before I realise I was, I was staring out the window to see my father holding a phone with a deadly serious look spreading across his face grimly. For a guy who no one would describe as serious in the least, that utterly surprised me as  I felt I bone softening chill run from my neck I my hips. I found myself forming a fearful from as I realised mum was nowhere to be found either. I walked to my front door, onto my veranda and down my stairs to dad.
I couldn't understand the muffled murmuring he seemed to be casting as I stepped toward him but right as I felt something bad happened to him I heard him clearly breath "oh, Jannette", the words 'oh' and my own mothers name made me freeze without realising it, by this time if completely forgotten about school and my hunger that seemed to rise for breakfast had faded away. He places the mobile phone on the front if his car as he turned to me and stunned me with something unexpected.
"What was your fight about last night?" He seemed blunt and as rightful to say that now as he had been before but something made me edit my thoughts so it came out differently. I meant to says something about her mothering or me but something slipped out I didn't want him to think of
"My choice of the choosing." As soon as I realised I'd said that I turned my head irritated at how much I spoke my mind. I grounded my teeth and compressed my expression until dad struck me with another question. One I didn't want him to ask.
"And which did you choose Lora?" Wow! Lora! He never called me that! Always 'Lor' or 'bunny' but never my real name. I felt pressured and threatened by that face, I couldn't lie to his face, even when I tried to it never worked out. I found myself sniffing and eyes watering up, I ground my teeth once more then screwed my eyes shut as tight as I could, though my sadness has weakened me. "Does it matter?! The fact is I'm a terrible daughter and she doesn't like who I really am. She always wants more from me than I can give! And it's all my fault she left last night, I am the one to hunt down. Punish me! I deserve it..." I snapped then trailed off as the warm salty tears flowed down my cheeks, I grabbed the collar of my nighty and wiped my eyes with it as if it were a tissue, it was a habit I needed to dump. But that wasn't the problem. I'd just avoided answering my dad's question and knowing him he won't give up at that.
"Which did you choose Lora?!" He said voice raised as if I was unable to hear him already, his eyes gleaned darkly it almost felt like that were staring into my soul and through my thought but at the same time louring my lips to answer him demanding question
"B-blue..." I just managed to strain out of my voice box with no ease what-so-ever
"Blue what Lora?! Blue what?!" He continued probing at my walls forcing me to accept the fact that he wasn't going to quit until he had the answer he wished for.
"Blue-hairstreak!" I mumbled through my hoarse, quite, sore throat before darting upstairs and whipping through my phone contacts for my friends numbers. I didn't have to be anywhere near my dad to feel his eyes suppressing my heart and weighing it down like an iron chain coughed to my legs, retain my emotions as much as I possibly could. The hardest part was that he was almost never anything other than happy and this was the the most frightening he'd been around me for as long as I could remember, it's like he was a whole new person. I found myself hovering my hand above Mackenzie's number whipping up and down across the  screen in hesitation until I was stupid enough to look into the hallway and sneak to school to talk to her in person. I had no food, no books on hand, no bag, nothing! I just needed to talk to Mackenzie I didn't care how late I was or how much trouble if get into but I left foolishly anyway.