New Ways

TWENTY-SIX

Sigrid

I felt a finger repeatedly jabbing my right cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and my vision began to focus on the face inches away from mine, the pair of hazel eyes on it widening.

"God, I thought you were dead," Seth exhaled in relief. "Do you want to go to school or not?"

"I do," I deadpanned. "But can you drive today?"

And so Seth drove both of our asses to school that Thursday morning. Throughout the journey, I stared out the window and hardly responded to anything my brother said or asked. My thoughts were locked on the one thing that I just couldn't stop thinking about for the past couple of days. The one thing that was making me feel all gloomy, restless and dissatisfied. The one thing that was making me feel so unlike my usual self.

When Seth and I walked past Derek and Amery by the lockers, I merely nodded when Derek greeted me. I hadn't been speaking much to anyone lately, isolating myself at whatever chance I got and feeling relieved to be able to be by myself without any form of social interaction. In class, I could barely pay attention or do what I was supposed to do without losing my temper and going for a breather before coming back and resuming my work. I brushed it off when Seth or Jean-Pierre asked.

We had the Student Union meeting again that evening and Jean-Pierre had to nudge me whenever I let my thoughts stray again and someone was asking me a question. I simply gave short replies, not bothering to get myself involved in the discussions. Amery noticed this difference in me and decided to confront me about it after the meeting ended and everybody had left. She told Derek and Jean-Pierre to wait for us outside and the boys conceded to her request, knowing that she was about to tell me off for not being completely present in the meeting.

"We need to talk," she started as she closed the door after the two guys left. "If this is about the other night, then I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did in the car."

"If you think everything's about you then you're so damn wrong," I mumbled sternly while packing my bag. I glanced up to see Amery taken aback by what I just said, before she stomped her way in my direction and stopped right in front of my face.

Her jaws clenched before she hissed at me. "Then tell me why I'm wrong. Because it pisses me off to see you like this every day."

"I don't want to talk about it," I turned away and continued putting the meeting documents into my bag.

"Oh come on, Sigrid," Amery pulled my backpack away and placed it down on the chair behind her.

"Can I have my bag back please," I sighed, controlling myself from allowing this to turn into a scene no one wanted to see.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you," Amery folded her arms and waited for me to answer.

I sighed again and squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. When I opened my eyes again I explained through gritted teeth, "Kate broke up with me. Okay?"

As soon as I said that Amery's steely expression changed into a combination of a confused and pitiful one. She tried to reach out for me but I shook my head and her hand fell to her side again.

"Am, do you remember that time you told me that someone like me deserves a slow, tormenting death?" I felt a lump in the back of my throat. "I can tell you that I feel it slowly kicking in."