Purity // Zico

12

"Fate brings people together no matter how far apart they may be."

Chapter Twelve

-earlier-

"If we're meant to be together, we'll end up together."

"Oh yah cause that's how it works."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You two like hung out yesterday, and have in the past. I'm sure something's bound to happen soon between you two." James shrugged as we walked down the side walk together. It was nice day out; sun shone, wind was barely picking up. Many people were out and about, including us.

"I don't think so."

"You do like him right?"

"I-I don't know."

"You're blushing! You do!"

"Okay, kinda..." I hated having to admit my feelings, especially because it came to a guy. I felt vulnerable and timid just by the way James stared at me with a grin on his face. It's like he's been waiting all these past few years just to tease me on this type of matter.

"I'm happy for you then."

"Huh? That's all? You're not gonna make this a big deal?" My mouth dropped.

"For now I won't." He gave a small shrug. "Anyways, I'm hungry so let's hurry up." Today of all days everyone had to cancel our lunch meeting on James and I. Of all days...

James and I sat across from one another casually talking but more indulged in our food. We didn't have too much to say to one another besides the small comments about my love life.

Then the unfortunate happened:

"Isn't that Jiho right there?"

"What!?" I jerked around seeing him and the rest of Block B.... oh gees. The guys rarely went out together I had thought; and now they're in the same exact restaurant as me.

"HAHAHA that's is hilarious! Let's hope he doesn't look over here- oh! too late I think he sees you, look down."

"Oh you're enjoying this aren't you!?" I hissed at him trying to hid my face in the other direction.

"Yes I am." James smirked at me.

"Oh my god this is horrible!" I groaned into my hands.

"Oooh now they're all talking and looking over here! They know it's you now.... so stop looking stupid!"

"Stupid!?"

"As usual!"

"You make no sense!" I countered back glaring at him. Oh please just shut up!

"You never do!"

"Oh god this is SO embarrassing."

"He looks so pissed I'm kinda dying this is hilarious!"

"Stop talking! We should just leave..."

"Or let's act like we're on a date!"

"NO!" My anxiety started rising in my chest. I didn't want Jiho thinking I was with someone else, he's the person I like and not James. What if he's now wondering about my androphobia and talking to guys isn't bad? What if-

"Hey it's okay." James smiled touching his hands against mine trying to calm me down, "you got so pale and it looks like you're gonna get sick." he laughed, "do you wanna get going? Would that make you feel better?"

"I-I think s-so but it doesn't mater. I don't want to be rushed to eat."

"Alright. I'll double check to see if anyone else can meet us." James most likely knew the situation I was stuck in. I mean, he has a girlfriend- so it's not like we'd ever be a thing. So he knew that this was something causing me anxiety, especially now that I like a guy.

"Okay... and can we stop at that makeup store after?"

"Makeup?" he looked at me puzzled, "you never wear that stuff."

"I'm starting to think that maybe I should. I've also been considering surgery like my mom always said I should-"

"Chan shut up." my friends voice was stern, "you're not gonna change yourself in any way- makeup I understand. But I don't want you to change because it feels like you're real and not fake like other girls."

"Really?"

"Some guys like that kind of stuff too. I mean, I could care less if someone gets stuff done but I'd rather you not." it was definitely appreciated that he saw me for who I was in some ways- but the bottom line was, I never felt pretty enough. And being in Korea doesn't help that.

"Thanks..." breathing in and out I tried focusing more on something else, mainly eating my hardly non-existent salad. My head hurt. I could hardly breathe. I felt dizzy.

"Lmao they're like all staring."

"Shut up."

-present-

My mind felt blank, confused, angry... who was that guy with Chan? They looked so close- the way he touched her hands made my skin want to jump right out. I was jealous. I didn't realize she was close with another guy. Stupidly I had assumed I was the only one in her life because of her androphobia; well, if she can be close with me, she's probably been able to open up to the past.

I've been officially friend zoned. I saw it right before my eyes, hell, all the other guys saw it too. But what if they're only friends? She got really pale at one point, I got worried actually.... for the first time in my life I've felt myself fall in love with someone. I'm more mature than I was in the past, all my stupid mistakes... but I know how I feel about Chan.

"She probably saw us... just casually ask. Don't make it weird." Kyung patted my back, his eyes leaking with sympathy.

"I guess..."

"I can ask Sunhye who he is. Probably helps that he's white." Yukwon said looking up from his phone.

"That'd be nice."

"Man you're really serious about this girl. Well it has been almost two months by now."

"Yeah..." I didn't have anything to say. I didn't want to speak at all- I wanted to be left alone. The tightness in my chest, sweatiness of my hands; it was all so unusual. I never cared but about other people unless it benefitted me, I never bothered to put the time into actual relationships. But Chan I want...

I couldn't stand the staleness in the air of the studio anymore; or the sad looks from each of my band mates. It was getting to me. And I felt like it was about to burst.

Maybe she's free...

Me: would you be interesting in hanging out? I don't have much going on tonight.

God please be free...

Chan: IM SO SORRY!!! I can't ;-; a bunch of us were meeting for lunch and then had to cancel (lol I still wanted lunch so I still went) and remade plans for tonight.

I sighed... fucking great. I really want to- no I need to see her. Being around her makes me feel calm, and now I definitely don't.

Me: hey it's fine, another night when I don't have stuff going on

Chan: of course :)

I couldn't expect her to be free whenever I was. But knowing it was supposed to be just a "friend" outing didn't reassure me very much.

[I feel like ppl are gonna get salty I added turmoil and that this chapter sucked xD]