What Do You Mean?

Chapter 5

"Sorry..." Betty winces a little and points to Lyric's 'big sister' shirt before settling her on the couch with a little ziploc bag containing goldfish crackers. "She had a total meltdown when I gave her a different shirt."

"It's fine..." I force a small smile, but carefully avoid looking at the shirt. "She loves it, and she's still a big sister. Aren't you, princess?"

She smiles and pops a cracker into her mouth in response.

We tried to explain things to her on a level that she could understand and was appropriate. I was holding it together well until B told her that heaven decided to keep the baby a little while longer. I smoothed Lyric's hair, left the room without explanation, and silently cried in a guest bathroom until I felt I stood half a chance at facing the world again.

"B still upstairs?" I ask, fiddling with the lighter in my pocket. Fuck, I need a cigarette.

Betty reaches over and takes the baggie away from Lyric when she notices her mouth is a little too full before I have the chance to ask her to. "One at a time, Munchkin." She taps her button nose sweetly and then turns her attention to me "I think...last I knew, at least." it looks like she wants to say more but thinks better of it.

"I guess where else would she be, right?" I offer...giving her the okay to be candid. "She talking to you about things at all? Because..." I trail off as both of our gazes shift to Lyric simultaneously.

Betty glances down at her phone. "It's about her nap time anyway, want me to go put her down real quick? Then we can talk?"

I stand and motion for her to stay seated and chill "I'll do it. Come on, girly." I reach my arms out for Lyric and sweep her up off the couch and into my arms "wanna take your nap with mommy today?"

"I'm not sleepy." Except  it's more like 'sweepy' in her adorable chipmunk voice.

"You know you have to take a nap, love." I remind her, heading towards the staircase "When you don't nap you're cranky and we don't have as much fun together. And that's no good, right?"

She shakes her head against my chest and sighs in resignation. We go through this often, she's too much like me...never wants to slow down.

"You awake, baby?" I keep my voice low and quiet in case she isnt, and silently pad into the room.

"Kind of...what's up?" She doesn't roll over and it sounds like she may have been crying.

"Nothing..Lyric just wants to take a nap with her mama...cool?"

She turns as soon as she realizes I have baby girl. "Of course it's cool...c'mere baby, come snuggle with mommy."

I give them each a kiss on the forehead and close the door quietly behind me.

When I don't find Betty where I left her, I decide to slip outside for a cigarette, planning to look for her after. But there's no need, she's sitting cross-legged in the grass just passed the patio concrete. She shields her eyes from the sun "Figured you'd want to smoke."

"Yeah," I pop one between my lips and light it "I just...I don't know, it helps I guess."

She shrugs a little as if to say it's none of her business.

I drop down into the closest chair and stretch my legs out in front of me "so has she?"

"Has she what?" She plucks at the grass "talked to me?"

I nod.

"A little. Are you worried?"

Again, I only nod.