Point Of View//Spoken Word Poetry

What Am I Good For//Slam

What am I good for/when I live everyday with a brain that craves for pain/or more medication to cope with all the impulsive triggers throughout the day//I feel like a saddening soul/trapped inside the body that gives the soul new names/ from those who say "it's just a game"/"don't take it serious or you'll go mentally insane"//well it's too late for that because behind a face and body conceals a whole new world of hate//hate that no other would understand unless they were me/who lies awake contemplating what I am good for//a new explanation comes into mind/overtaking the thoughts that weren't good enough to break the barrier inside my brain/but the question repeats itself again/what am I good for//I'm good for the jokes//I'm good for the gossip that goes around about the girl who always hides her frown/I'm good for the laughs from others when they eagerly come up with new names/to label my face or label myself with hate//but/oh no/wait/don't cry/for its just a game that we love to play/as if I had a choice in participating in this "game"//they play the game that tosses around names like an expert level of kickball/but instead my helpless body acts as the ball being kicked around/and no/I can not tell anyone/because this is just a game they invited me to play/and now I am beaten up like an old chew toy/owned by a dog who had better reasons to breathe in fresh air than I//because I am only good for participating in games/that I apparently offered to play//not a surprise that I was also good for making a home for these thoughts to keep on growing in my mind/and one day/I fear that they will be bigger than I/because these thoughts have made a beast inside my head ever since I was 10/now I plead that they leave/but they won't go/because I was good for them/and I let them in/just like I let the others play their game and create new names/and the funny thing is that the thoughts that consume my mind/from 9pm at night till 5:45am sunrise/is all my fault/because I nurture them/and fulfill their needs/but what I need is a break from this world/just for a moment because I realize/I am done with years of playing these boring old games//I am done being good for the entertainment of others/to simply put a smile on their face//I won't care for these thoughts that feast from my mind/but don't worry/the other players of this game/or the thoughts that are busy feasting from my mind/will not be blamed for such erratic behavior//like the others said that I willingly joined in this game/I also was willing to be the reason to put an end to this so called game//my mind is the caption/and my body is its boat/and we will both go down together/because that's what I am good for.