A Series of Firsts (A Matthew Gray Gubler FanFiction)

The First Time Saying The Words

Alex was frozen. She couldn't move her feet. She couldn't move her head. She couldn't move her eyes from him. There he stood. She hadn't seen him in years and there he stood.

Matthew stood in the doorway of the place he'd asked her to meet him at. Honestly, he hadn't thought she'd show up, but there she was. She was just standing there staring at him and he couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable, slightly awkward. It was all exactly like he had felt the first time he'd ever seen her.

He watched as she shook her head. It was something she always did when she was trying to regain focus, regain control. He let go of the door he hadn't realized he was still holding open and slowly eased his way towards her.

Alex started to panic. What was he doing? Why was he coming towards her? What was she doing here? She shook her head again, trying to regain focus. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He had asked her to meet him here and she had agreed. Why had she agreed? Because, she missed him, that's why. She opened her eyes. He was getting closer to her and the panic was rising quicker. Sit down; you need to just sit down. She backed up, the back of her knees hitting the small table. She lost her balance and almost fell, but there he was, his arm on hers, keeping her from hitting the ground.

"Are you okay," His voice was like silk hitting her ears and her knees felt dangerously weak.

She nodded. It was all she could do.

"Here, sit down. You look like you might pass out." He carefully, his hand still gripped her arm, maneuvered her around the table and into the chair she had recently vacated.

She sat. She kept her head straight, her focus aimed at the door on the other side of the room. She couldn't look at him. If she looked at him, she'd be lost. She'd be lost in those hazel eyes that still held so many parts of her, of them.

Alex glanced over at him. His was lost in one of his paintings. He wouldn't show her what he was working on, something that he did often. He liked them for surprises. She chuckled to herself and rolled her eyes.

They had been together for several months now and she found herself spending more and more time at his place. It was amazing that they hadn't grown tired of one another yet. They saw each other almost every day at work and then spent the nights immersed in their own company.

Alex looked over at him again. She had fallen in love and she had fallen hard. She's wanted to tell him so many times but never could quite find the right time, the right words. She kept hoping that he'd tell her first, take the pressure off, but everytime she thought he'd say it, she'd be disappointed by the fact that he didn't.

All the lights land on you

The rest of the world fades from view

And all the love I see

Please please say you feel it too

Their six month anniversary was quickly approaching and Alex had racked her brain on what to do for him. She knew what he wanted, but she wasn't sure she was quite ready to give him that, just yet.

She knew what she needed to do. She needed to just take control and tell him how she felt. She needed him to know and she needed to know if he felt the same way. The not knowing had started to eat at her and the anxiousness was driving her crazy.

And all the noise I hear inside

Restless and loud, unspoken and wild

And all that you need to say

To make it all go away

Is that you feel the same way too