Don't Read Me

Misgendering

So today, in my Mandarin class, I was talking to this guy Jesse. I was explaining to him all different LGBT terms, because he wanted to know and all that. So I began explaining non-binary genders, and as an example of genderfluid, I used my character Jessie from Attempting Average. And Instead of saying "they" I used "he." Of course I mid-saying it corrected myself.

This is probably for many reasons. I'm not the best with words, and I was in a foreign language class. Additionally, I was explaining Jessie to Jesse, which messed me up a whole lot as Jesse, being a cis dude, uses he/him pronouns. No matter the reason I was beating myself up over it the whole day.

But then I started thinking to myself. I'm always misgendering myself, and the people around me tend to misgender me. My friends put in a good effort, but at home, no one uses my pronouns. My internal monologue is riddled with me calling myself she. And what are your characters anyway? Aren't they just extensions of you, the writer? Is me misgendering my own creation a side effect of me misgendering myself? 

What do you think? Was I just mixed up verbally, (as I normally am) or is this my subconscious self doubt leaking through?

Also Sometime this week I'm going to write a better epilogue for Attempting Average. No terrible cliff hangers of death