First Look:
Title: Me, Myself and Him. That title can be a tad bit confusing. Because me and myself are kind of the same thing, no? The title is however a bit intriguing so it can kind of pull readers in.
Cover: Your cover is really pretty. I like the blur effect on it. You can see that it takes a bit of work to make a cover like this and it's not just find a picture and insert a title.
Summary: Your summary describes the story very well and we can see that she really does love her boyfriend and that the fact that he's neglecting her is killing her from the inside. Her love is very very deep because you wouldn't cut yourself unless you care about your boyfrienda whole lot.
Pro's:
- I could actually feel the girls sadness. I mean, her boyfriend is a total jerk face. She should be the one breaking up with him! I hate boys that act like that.
- I liked how your described the girls emotions.
- Your characters are well describe and your writing flows very nicely
-Your story had such good twists that it made my mouth open wide at the end. I didn't see the slap coming! Wow. The ending is nice and shows that she's over him. Finally! It took her long enough to see he was a jerk face!
Con's:
- I do wish there was a tad but more detail included
-The boys character is weird and unexplained. After you've been in a relationship with a girl that long you at least care a bit and let her down easily. It's not very normal he's acting that way unless, of course, he never truly loved her.
- I think you should explain the guys motive for letting her go a bit better
-The argument between Kevin and MC was a bit cliche
- You should add up the age, because if you count back to their age when they first met, it seems a tad unrealistic
Overall comment: Even though your short story is good, the time passes too fast which makes it confusing. On top of that, it sometimes lacks details. Otherwise, the writing was nice and I didn't find any major grammar or spelling mistakes which makes it well edited. It's a very nice short story and the emotions were strong and well put.
Grade: 14/20
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Elixir Book Critiques// Open
Fiksi RemajaWelcome to Elixir Book Critiques,where I critique and review your book! Please read the rules before filling out a form! I hope my advice will be useful. I also hope that I won't bore myself out reading your book. (It has never happened before!). So...
