Steal A Heart ~ A Mithzan Fan Ficton

Chapter 39

Stella P.O.V.

I woke up with a killing headache. I turned over and saw that Max wasn't in bed. I looked at the clock. 4:00 am. Where is he?

I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked like death threw me up and ate me again. My hair was matted. My eyes had dark circles around them. There were dry tears on my face. I sighed and turned on the cold water. Idiot. I splashed cold water on my face. It's a new day. Worthless. I dried my face off and went back in the bedroom. I heard voices from outside of the room. I went towards it and heard Max.

I opened the door and walked to the voices. I peeked around the corner and Max, Adam, Scott, Ross, and Barney were sitting around the dining table.

"We should give her a break from the offices." Ross said.

"We can't make it too obvious that we know that she is depressed." Adam replied. How do they know? How long did they know?

"On even better terms. Her father is asking to see her. He wasn't yo get fast the restraining order." Scott said. My father. I haven't seen him in a couple months. I have a restraining order against him?

"Tell him no." Adam said. Scott nodded. I looked at Max. He had a stone expression, showing no emotion at all.

"Anyway. Is Stellas going to Paxs?" Barney asked.

"I don't know. It depends on how she is feeling." Scott said.

"When we get back home. We've got to keep an eye on her. I can already tell that her depression is bad." Adam said. They all nodded. "Has she cut at anytime then the other time.?" He asked Max. He is referring to the day Ross got mad at me because of that. Max never answered Adam.

"Max?" Ross said. Max snapped his head.

"What?" He said, confused.

"Has Stella been cutting?" Adam asked again.

"Since last time then no. I do believe that she is carrying her blades with her though." He said quietly.

"We have to find them. She can't hurt herself again." Scott said. They can't tell me what to do.

"She has been more and more quiet, to herself. We've got to help her." Scott said.

"Her panic attacks are getting worse, we need to find the trigger. I know why she had this one." Adam said.

"I'm going to find him and kill him." Max growled.

"No. Max you need to be there for Stella. Stay with her, we'll find him." Adam said. Ross groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Why is this happening with her? She doesn't deserve it." He said.

"After all the shit she's been through during her childhood, you're right." Max said. Everyone looks at him. No. No. They don't know. They know nothing in my past. The only thing they do know is what happened with my family. Not what I did afterwards.

"What dos you mean?" Barney asked. Max knew that he messed up. I could see it on his face.

"Just with her family." He said quickly. Everyone believed him except Ross. After knowing him for 10 years and living with him, I knew that he could see through his lies.

"Do you know of any signs of suicidal actions?" Adam asked, crossing his fingers. Max was about to answer when I stepped in.

"Other than planning a murder-suicide on all of you than no." I said. They have no right on telling me what I can and cannot do.

"Stella." Adam said. He got up to hug me. I stopped him.

"Don't even try. I heard everything. You don't know anything about my depression! You can't take anything away from me. Try and see what happens." I yelled and stormed out of the room. Tears gathered into my eyes. I hate this. I miss my old snarky self. I miss her. I don't like this.

I shut the bedroom door and went to the bathroom. I locked the door and opened the drawers. I can't find them. Where are my blades! I swore I put them in my makeup bag. But they aren't in there. Tears were running down my face and I am getting mad. I searched everywhere for them. My purse. I flew open the door and got my purse. I dumped everything out and searched through it. Nothing. I went back to the bathroom and locked it. I screamed in frustration and punched the wall. A tinge of pain went through my arm but I ignored it.  I fell down and sobbed. I cried for what I was going to do. I was going to cut right in front of their faces. Stupid. This time it's true. I am stupid. I am an idiot. I heard knocking on the bathroom door. I knew there we're a couple people in my room.

"Stella. Open the door." Adam said. I didn't answer him. 

"What happened Stella?" Max said. He sounded scared. Like panicked. 

"Stella answer us!" Ross quietly yelled. I couldn't I was too exhausted. I didn't want to do anything. The knocking turned into pounding but I didn't care. Why does the guys still like me?  I've cost them trouble since day one. Since I've been here, everything has been going down hill. Why does Max like me? I've caused him the most trouble. 

"Stella I will break down this door." Max yelled. I don't even care. I just laid there, quietly crying to myself. The door burst open and people ran in. Max, Adam and Ross ran in. Max was the first one to reach me. He pulled me towards him and hugged him. His chest heaved and I heard him cry.  I looked up and say him. Tears running down his face.

"I thought I lost you." He whispered. I cried with him. For different reasons but they were close. I knew he thought I killed myself. I knew that I wanted to kill myself. 

"What happened in here?" Adam asked, picking up my makeup bag. 

"I was trying to find my blades." I mumbled. Max tightened his grip on me and glared at me. "Max stop. I was going to flush them." 

"You can't find them?" He asked. I nodded and stood up.

"I went completely crazy and got mad. I yelled in frustration and punched the wall." I said, explaining on what happened. Adam nodded and helped me clean up my makeup. I glanced at Ross and saw him as pale as a sheet. I stopped at what I was doing and went over to him. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm fine. I just need to go to bed." He whispered and walked away. I feel so bad. Adam said goodbye to us and left. I looked at Max and he smiled. He picked me up and ran to the bed. I laughed and he dropped me. I got under under the blankets.

"I'm sorry." He said. I sighed and ignore him. "Stella, please, I just wanted to help.

"I'm not taking a break from the offices Max. That is what keeps me sane. I haven't used my blades since. I may be getting my depression back but I can control it. And don't you even think not going to Pax. We came here for a reason." I quietly yelled. I started to cry, it isn't a sad cry it is a frustrating cry. I hate being this vulnerable. I hate being like this. I hate these thoughts that are running through my head.

"I just want the best for you." He whispered. I looked up and saw that his eyes was filled with sadness. I looked away.I turned to lay on my back.

"I was like a black hole." I whispered. He looked down and frowned. He knew what I was going to talk about. He patted his chest and I moved to lay on it.

"You don't have to." He said. I shook my head.

"I need to," I said and continued. "I couldn't see or hear anything. I could feel you. I could feel you holding me, never letting go. These voices in my head was all I could hear. Things like your worthless, die, everyone will be happy when you die. All those things. I couldn't get out. The thing that messed me up was one phrase. 'Oh Stella. You don't understand. You are already dead.' That voice. Max that voice was yours."